Thoughts arising from solitude

The mad rush for deadlines ended on monday, after 3 weekends burnt, lots of stress and pressure from my expectations of my work and the mundane neccesity to just get things done, I finally had time to reward myself with some me time. That kind of guilt-free feeling of slacking..I thought my brain needed a break..or so I thought..my brain actually went into overdrive again after some blog surfing, movie watching(3 movies in the span of 2 days), tv watching, listening to songs and chatting....(you just can't keep a brain from blanking out can you..not after the compulsory blanking out that it routinely went through like 2 months ago)...

Sex is Zero and my friend's short stories got me thinking...is this just a period that I got tired of idealistic love, do I really need to learn the rules of the game..? Have I really lost faith in the meaning of sincerity..or am i even clear of the concept of it in the first place..? What exactly is love..let alone true love..? Happy endings are looking more n more like cliches in movies and stories... am i just jaded..or to put it in a ps way..turned into a realist..?

The Last King of Scotland and Sophie Scholl, The Final Days( I am such a sucker for NAZI-related movie, love this to the core again) also got me in really deep thoughts. The allure, charms, lures of dictatorships/totalitarian regimes and I can totally understand why people can get lost in the moment of heat and passion and become irrational with all the pomp and glamour of such regimes...

While Sophie Scholl and the White Rose earned not just respect, admiration, recognition and become martyrs in their own right.. for their quest for conscience, for freedom, to die for an idea is really noble and ought to be applauded(to say the least)...the ugly side of idealism is portrayed so vividly in The Last King of Scotland whereby idealism when misguided could not just lead to the loss of one's own life but the disillusionment and the pain of supporting a wrong cause...

Idealism is like a fire, it sustains a person yet to be too obsessed with it risks an unneccessary engulfment while love is just........beyond rational comprehension...

Generation X cartoons!!!!

I know, I know, its just another ploy by the commercial world to earn my money.

I know, I know, hollywood, the epitome of American soft power is trying to propagate its influence again.(ok, that may be pushing it too far..)

I know, I know, I'm not a kid anymore...........................BUT.................................................................

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm feeling so nostalgic and so so so excited about the upcoming movie version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!!!! Just reading about the movie review brings back so much sweet sweet sweetest memories of my childhood!!! COWABUNGA!!!! Turtle Power!!! lol..Suddenly, I feel like a kid again.

To top it off, Transformers and Alvin and the Chipmunks will be out this year!!!!!!!!!!!!(Excluded the Simpsons making their entrance to the big scene finally because its themes are quite adultlike in nature, lol). They are also going to give the Smurfs a 21st century makeover next year!!! Maybe, maybe, if they really make film versions of GI Joe, Care Bears and He-Man in the near future, I will definitely catch it lah..

Yes, hollywood, thanks for catering to the Gen-X audience again. Even brillant cartoon movies such like Finding Nemo and Shrek just don't evoke that much excitement and interest in us. Do take note of our spending power. Don't let classic 80s cartoons be consigned to history!

A tribute and a farewell

You came. Unexpectedly. We agreed it was going to be a short fling. You seem too good to be true. Yet, you gave your all and we fell in love with you. Henrik Larsson. Thanks for the memories. Thanks for giving us a taste of your brillance. We will never forget you. Even if you are only with us for a mere 3 months, you will still be remembered. You started your Manchester United career with a debut goal and ended your last match at Old Trafford with a beauty that eased our nerves. Come saturday, we will watch you with adoring eyes, admiring you for the last time that you wear this proud jersey of Manchester United. Goodbye Larsson, Goodbye. Thanks for the memories. :)

An interesting quiz

a month

It has been a month. A month into my recovery period. A month with absolutely no contact with her. She kept her word, I kept my resolve. In this period, bouts of missing her come and go. Mood swings, sometimes, I get into this really anti-social mood that I just don't want to see anyone, just want to be holed up in my room and seek solace in solitude. Other times, I derive such comfort in just hanging around people, especially close friends. I like that closeness, that feeling of just being able to be yourself, to say what you want, to do as you like, not needing to put on a facade, not needing to say more and they understand.

Yes, I miss her, but I miss the old yanwei more.
The one with less mood swings
The one who has so much drive and confidence in his work.
The one who don't procrastinate as much as I do now.
The one who gives a black face for a B+ for his essays and tests.
The one who takes lots of pride in his work.
The one who's always vocal in class.
The one who sees tests, essays and exams as fun.
The one who respects school as a battlefield and derive joy from it being a playground.

sighz..where is he..I wonder..? Where has that warlord gone? Where's that drive? I guess, fighting a losing war plays a really major part in this lack of motivation. When there's no margin for error, when a first class honours dream seems inevitably going to end mathematically after this sem, the level of commitment and desire is lacking.

I'm sure, this commitment, desire and drive will be back though...as long as I continue my recovery process..the old yanwei will be back. I still need a really good 2nd upper class to stand a chance of getting the teaching assistant scheme in RSIS if I do pursue a masters. I still harbour hope of doing a doctorate in the Ivy League Universities. Though I'm sure, ANU(ranked suprisingly 6th in world's university ranking for social sciences, NUS is ranked 11th in this ranking) will accept me though. :) But, I want an American postgraduate education for my PHD!!!