A Modern Sonnet

From the movie- 10 things I hate about you,

A parody of Shakespheare's Sonnet 141

I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick. It even makes me rhyme.
I hate it-
I hate the way you are always right. I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you are not around and the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly, I hate the way I don't hate you,
not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

holidays

My internship with PA,CO finally ended yesterday. Having started this internship on May 7th, 3 days after my last exam paper, I started my holidays with a bout of flu. Still reeling from the sneezes and the runny nose, I caught up with much needed sleep and rest for my body today. There's still two weeks of holidays left before I am engulfed by the massive load of readings required by the honours year. I can finally do some guilt-free slacking amidst modules-bidding, reading of that genre of intellectually stimulating and emotionally stifling books which is the standard fare of a political science/history major and catching up with friends. That desire for academic excellence is still burning strongly while the strategic caculus has ceased to exist. Enough said about what lies ahead, now I shall do some reflections upon my internship stint....

I had one of my best mentors in life in this internship. He tried his best to share his experiences with me, not just in PA, but in life. His instructions, his words of advice, his debrief after every meeting, every event will be something that I will never forget in life. Experience is such a priceless quality.

Like my previous internship with nexus, this has again been a humbling experience. Probably even more so than my stint with nexus. I was exposed to stuff that my training as a political scientist failed to equipped me with. Much more importantly, I feel is the people skills that I have picked up in this internship. No, I was never intellectually overwhelmed in this internship(unlike my last one which tested my creativity/analytical/research skills to the fullest), but this time round, this internship brushed up my soft skills in life. Not that PS majors are socially inept, we must be the most vocal and impressive amongst fass students in terms of how to present yourself, communicate and sell your ideas, but school can only provide that much.

One unexpected outcome of this internship is the friendships cultivated during this period. No, I don't mean networking, I meant friendship. Knowing people that are of the same wavelength, fun people whom I can click on both the intellectual level and on the social level. Fun people whom I feel very comfortable with. I know that these are people that friendships can be built upon, that I will like more and more and that I will treasure.

Of course, there are also downsides of this internship, the absence of a challenge that can overwhelm my intellectual ability, the lack of empowerment, the mundane tasks such as data entry and filing and the free-er periods of this internship proved to be dampeners.

All in all, this experience has been invaluable and has added on to my personal growth. Another step forward, another experience to make myself more marketable. Maybe what I have is still not enough to fulfill my dream, but this is definitely a step in the right direction.

I need to keep taking steps in the right direction, not allowing myself to rest on my own's laurels and keep believing that dreams are not impossible. Only with continued personal growth and a sustantial marketability of myself to my potential employers can I pursue my goal of working for the public good in an area that appeals to me most.

msn conversation

yanwei says:
i'm sure u will be a great mother..

yanwei says:
:)

[definitely.maybe] i've got a right to be wrong. says:
HAHAHHAAH

yanwei says:
.......

.................................................

love

Love, what is love? I don't think you can really put it into words. Love is understanding someone, caring for him, sharing his joys and sorrows. This eventually includes physical love. You've shared something, given something away and received something in return, whether or not you are married , whether or not you have a baby. Losing your virtue doesn't matter, as long as you know that for as long as you live you'll have someone at your side who understands you, and who doesn't have to be shared with anyone else!

-Anne M. Frank

history

History should stay as it is, history. The past should not be allowed to haunt the future. We will all have our fair share of historical baggage. What we have experienced in the past shaped us and changed us into the person we are today. I have changed, I feel for the better. Because most of my fundamental notions towards the idea of love has not changed, yet, I am finally able to curb some of that irrational feeling. I feel more in control le. Yet, I'm also more afraid. Gone are the days where I actually believe that love can conquer all. Gone are the days that pain, even excessive amount of it is worth it. Gone are the days that I'm foolhardy. Or maybe, because I'm not deeply in love at the moment. With love, I'm not afraid of the pain, the heartbreak that comes along with it, I'm only afraid of the fact that I will lose control of myself. Losing control, not doing the rational thing scares me. Everything can just spiral down into a vicious cycle where one attempts to hang on to an illusion, false hope and lead to just more and more pain. The difficulty of breaking out of the cycle is very scary indeed.

Today, I finally had closure. Painful, a very painful closure. But, it was worth the pain. Despite the pain, I felt light again, free even. Free from the chains of enslavement. No longer a fish.. or maybe a fish in the deep vast ocean. haha, sighz..the taste of freedom is so sweet. Happiness is the only thing that really matters. :)

book hunting

I had to get a book today. My $10 kino book voucher was going to expire tommorow. And so, I went to Kinokuniya after work. I told myself a couple of times that I am not going to buy a book on nazi history. Having already finished one book,'The trial of major war criminals in Nuremberg' and currently finishing up another biography upon this nazi period, 'Triumph of Hope, From Theresienstadt and Auschwitz to Israel' and having three more nazi history books waiting in the wings(thank you Joan for the 3 books), I was pretty sure that I would be enticed by some other subject matter/genre. Maybe American foreign policy? Maybe Singapore's foreign policy? Maybe a novel?

Upon reaching Kino, I tried my best to steer clear of the nazi history section(my favorite section over the years) and with purpose, I was looking for the heading named Political Science, yet it proved to be quite elusive and the shelves labelled Current Affairs caught my eye. There lies the wide array of famous American political scientists, Joseph Nye, Samuel Huntington, Francis Fukayama and many many books written by Noam Chomsky regarding American foreign policy. Currently reading his latest book,'Failed States, The abuse of power and the assault on democracy' , I hesitated to get another book by him. 'That guy's deep and I am still in the midst of trying to figure about his ideological orientation, maybe another time', was what came up in my mind at that moment.. I scanned through the titles of the books available upon the few shelves displaying the books under the label 'Current Affairs' and something struck me. All the books was on America and by American writers....yes, I am a fan of America, but I was expecting a wider array of books by different writers. Kino isn't even an American bookshop, for goodness sake, they should have just renamed the few shelves, American Affairs and not Current Affairs. That quote that refused to go away, came to my mind again,

‘Knowledge is power, but power is knowledge. Power decides what is knowledge and what is not knowledge.’ Claude Alvares

American hegemony, soft power, the allure of American ideas,hard power, such is the pull of American influence and its insidious impact upon this ordinary Singaporean

However, I was disgusted enough by such inappropriate and insensitive displays that I decided to take a break from American writers. Next, I move to books regarding the region. While looking at the singapore studies collection, I noticed that three japanese tourists took Lee's memoirs and wanted to buy it. At that moment, I felt proud. Proud that Lee Kwan Yew, the de facto father of independent Singapore has left an indelible mark on history and respected internationally. Probably more people has heard of Lee Kwan Yew than Singapore. Hong's words while introducing the military museum in Beijing flooded back, ' Lee Kwan Yew was the only overseas Chinese leader who has a statue in this museum '......need I say more...?

Nothing really caught my eye though, Southeast Asia was a tad boring, the only book that caught my eye was the latest Aung San Suu kyi biography. I was tempted but not tempted enough. Then the brief walk through the political science shelves, upon reaching there, I yawned. This feel like school again, I'm seriously not in the mood to study about stuff like state making in my holidays. Moving on to the shelves upon Europe, I saw something that caught my attention, a picture showing Hitler's back and him giving a speech to the hundreds of thousands of Germans. What a majestic picture! I browse through the book and saw that it covered the perversion/subordination of religion from the past to the present(holocaust, nazi period to the london bombings). Intriguing, I must admit, but by then, I could not resist that desire anymore. That desire to just go to the shelves displaying the books on nazi history.

I had to and boy, oh boy, the sensation that hit me when I finally reached that shelf. I was overwhelmed with excitement, feeling like a boy in a candy shop again and have a tough time picking the title I want. Is it going to be another holocaust biography? Or do I want to read about the love life of Hitler? Art and Hitler? The propaganda machine? The Nuremberg Trials? Allies espionage in NAZI Germany? Or the struggle for power within the inner circle of the nazi elites? Until the picture of Anne Frank caught my eye... Anne Frank, the famous jewish girl, the so-called symbol of the holocaust...someone I had missed out so far in my interest in nazi history. I was actually a bit irritated when Lailin mentioned Anne Frank that time and I didn't know who and what she represented. There were books on poems written in the dedication of her, biographies upon her and of course, her own diary. Browsing through the diary, I knew this was the book that I was going to buy. So what if I will have 5 nazi history books to finish, I'm really enjoying this journey back to this period. The goosebumps, that ride into social history, the authentic stories, the tears, the joys, the pains, all those emotions evoked are just darn enjoyable.

'Anne Frank, the diary of a young girl' was my purchase in the end.



Yes, I know. I have a fetish for nazi history.