an eventful week

Many things happened this week. Good things, bad things.......

Bad things

I forgot an angel's birthday. How did this happen? It should never be allowed to happen. Taking her for granted is such a cardinal sin that I should not commit.

Meiling sms-ed me, 'have you forgotten about me! :(' haiz, guilty again. The first excuse is the mad rush for that dreaded honours thesis. But upon reflection, I have only met her once for lunch since she graduated last semester. I do miss the days when I spent 99percent of time in school with my ps clique- Meiling, Zheyuan, Heyi and Hong. Yet, I'm not making enough effort to keep this friendship going. Wake up, Yanwei!

I need a shoebag. That prevented me from going to gym after my test at mica this monday. What a lousy excuse. Haiz, Only jogged one time this week. Need to kickstart the exercise regime again(never intensive but, enough to feel healthy and keep my weight in check).

I missed Fatma and Nab's presentation this thursday. A presentation that I was really looking forward to. For, gender issue is quite touchy for a 'mcp' like me. A gender minor like Fatma and cute Nab's presentation(have never seen Nab present b4! argh) must have been a real experience. lol. Yet,the sleep after the man u match was too sweet to wake up from.

I flunked my makeup brief HISTORY of science test today. A breadth module. But its HISTORY. It should be my forte. Pure memorization yet, my mind went blank and the questions was obscure enough to send a blank mind to hell. Flunking this test means a B+ is all that I can aim for. This means that a maximum last minute effort is likely to result in a B grade. ARGH. CRAP. This is HISTORY. SIGHZ. ITS MY FORTE. I don't care if its about science. It can be about art/music for all I care. I swear I will put in that last ounce of effort to make up for this disaster.

Good things

I watched Romance of Three Kingdoms, the movie installment on Zhao Zhilong. Yes, its nowhere near the accuracy of the novel/history but it still brought a lot of satisfaction watching my favorite general on the big screen.

I beat Zheyuan 5-4 in pool games AGAIN. haha, winning when defeat stares you in the eye always gives you the feel-good feeling.

Manchester United beat Roma 1-0 on the night! More importantly, Gary Neville is back. And the ovation he received brought a tear to my eye. Its great to see him back after such a long absence. Welcome back, my dear captain!

I finally met Zhixiang at the honours room just now. After promising to find him there for the whole sem. Had a good dinner with him and Weizan. Then also, spend a bit of time mingling with other PS peers, such as Alene and Shawn at the honours room. With graduation on the horizon, its a nice feeling to just chat and mingle with some of my peers.

Things are rosy on the job front. No, I am resigned to my failure to get into MFA, but its likely that I will get my next best option again. YAY.(ok, maybe I'm not that joyous, but it always feel good to know you have 'market value'.)

The possibility of ace-ing Theories of IR module is exceedingly high. I got an A- for the 25percent test, an A for the discussant session (10percent) and I am geniunely enjoying the class participation (40percent), speaking up and writing in the online forum not out of necessity but out of interest. I'm not even lost in that module anymore. I'm confident of ace-ing this module. :)

Such a mixed week. Next week? Issues of SEA paper is the main agenda. I cannot afford to screw up a 40 percent paper.

peace

Selfishness is inherent in everyone.

That's something I learnt as I get older. Not that its wrong or it shouldn't be this way. For we are all flawed. At peace with my heart, at peace with how things are going on all fronts, at peace with my life, things are looking clearer and clearer each day.

I'm amazed. Amazed at how stupid I was. That sense of loss was so unwarranted. When you are blinded, you really feel like you can and will do anything for someone. Someone who doesn't really matter. Someone who's dispensible. Very much so.

To put yourself as the top priority is a painful lesson learnt. For, to be happy only when someone else is happy is just a torture. Especially, if that someone is not worth it even in the first place.

Somehow, somewhat, that idealistic streak in me has faded away. Feeling somewhat desensitized, I realized how easy it is to just shut people who doesn't matter much in life out. They say out of sight, out of mind. I say, out of mind then even when they are within your sight, you can't even see them, or notice their presence.

At peace.