I have finally done it...

Still having a bit of hangover from the consumption of alcohol at the Christmas eve party last nite..last nite her sms-es prompted me to drink more..she thanked me for the presents,said she was really touched and didn't expect it..but shouldn't say too much..n ten minutes ago she sms-ed me to tell me my presents were meaningful n thoughtful and that she will fufill my Christmas wish..that is to use the journal as her diary(I sms-ed her this while heavily intoxicated, I'm kinda a loser ain't I,sighz..but I really wish I could still share her deepest thoughts n worries n be there..since I can't do that..its really comforting to me that she will use the journal as her diary)..

Guess what's my reply(perhaps the last or the last few) to her polite thank you sms, I replied, ' =) okie, dun think I will hear from u anymore,so yup, take care.' I sound mean and if I follow my heart..I will never say something like that..but I do need to face up to reality..I do not want to wallow in saddness anymore..I do not want to sink deeper and deeper..I have decided not to dig my own grave le..n I think she also wants me to get her out of my system..its for my own good..

She's right..sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind..if only she was cruel enough at the start of september where my recovery process should have started and I been strong enough to not fall back into a relapse and actually grew more dependent on her for emotional support here n then..I might have already had recovered.

However, I don't hold any regrets..just that I'm finally tired of been silly and its really better to move on le. I have finally done it..I have finally deleted n blocked her on msn..there will no longer be any temptation to talk to her online or feel the need to ask her about her mood swings n stuff..because what you can't see won't affect you..

It hurts..almost as much as writing her Christmas card and trying to sound chirpy..but this time round..I did the right thing...I am finally going to move on..