overjoyed.

Finally and I mean finally, there seems to be a glimpse of hope towards fulfilling my dream.

I have been shortlisted for the first round of the recruitment process for the Foreign Service Officer(Political and Economic) with MFA!!!!! YAY!!!!!

Yah, I know, first round only, written tests only, may still be rejected at this stage of the recruitment process or at further rounds of interviews, but nonetheless, I am really happy!! Haven't been so happy for such a long while!!!wahahahahahahahaha :)

OMG, I'm like so excited now lah, that kind of feeling far exceeds another interview with another ministry one day after the written tests at MFA!!

I will definitely try my best!!! I can do it!!! Even if I am not recruited this time round, this will not prevent me from trying again next time!!

* I'm overjoyed, excited and ecstatic now. But don't worry, I will moderate my hopes of getting this job as I know how stringent the recruitment process is. :)

way back into love

I'm a real sucker for love movies. Music and Lyrics made this song special. And special it is, for I have listened to it more than twenty times today. :)

6am on Christmas day, still awake but happy that this Christmas eve, my heart is at peace. Looking back on last Christmas, perhaps, this reason alone made this a merry merry Christmas. :)

2046

I just finished watching the movie,2046. Words can't really describe how brillant and poignant I think this movie is.

2046 is really 2047.

If love can be defined, 2046 just provided the closest definition.

That imperfect perfection, that surreal reality, that blurring of line between illusion and reality, that immense hurt....

Giving is perhaps not really an option when you experience true love. For when your happiness is based upon hers, the hurt experienced by you is nothing compared to the joys you brought her.

Love has always been something undefinable, something that is surreal, something that is fluffy, something that defies rationality. But, if one looks beyond the complexities and the various pretensions that cloud love itself, it is very simple.

Is love like the rainbow that follows every thunderstorm? Where the various colours form a really beautiful picture that brings unexplainable joys? Or does love take the optical illusion of a rainbow that is always there but seldom appears before the naked eye?

Love may just become that prison where one cannot break through even if he/she holds the key. Yet, maybe only in that prison can one find happiness or perhaps death.

Seeking answers in love is a fallacy. For there are no answers, for love itself is a maze that one gets lost in. To be lost and to not know you are lost may just be the most beautiful thing in life.

game?

I did something rather silly but perhaps sweet just now.....the rational me will see that as a mistake but as always, when it comes to the matters of the heart, I tend to just go with what I feel and perhaps, its the person too, I love the feeling that I can just be so direct and frank and says what's on my mind, how I feel and what's bothering me, perhaps, I finally found a soulmate whom I'm really so comfortable with. With her, my vocab does not dry up, no awkard silences, minimal pressures and that ability of hers to cheer me up is just quite special.......

Game? I know, a lot of my friends have advised me in the past that there are some rules that you have to follow, somethings that you have to do, some stuff that you can't say, some stuff that you must say, some some some...etc..etc..etc..but I have never been able to grasp why they see this as a game. To me, this has never been a game and hopefully will never become a game. I do not like the whole concept of treating this as a game. Even if this means that I get hurt more often than not, even if this means that if this is a game, my success rate will never be high.

At the end of the day, I can get hurt. I can be silly. I can have my heart broken. I can even slowly lose faith in this whole concept. But, at least, I followed my heart and this is the most important thing to me.

* Maybe, just maybe, she will replace that special person in my heart and I will be able to finally seek closure with the past.

inner thoughts

Alcohol always make me feel a bit vulnerable. Some says drinking, especially excessively is to seek an escape, an escape from the harsh reality of life. Yet, drinking, especially moderately, can lead to you facing your deepest inner thoughts, squarely and truly. Slightly intoxicated(really, as can be seen by the fluency in this blog entry), my mind went into overdrive, for the first time in months.........

I have been going to CCK on a rather frequent basis since I got to know Yihui. Likewise, today, I went over to find her to study, though as expected, we ended up chatting much more than doing anything productively academically. Today is a rather happy day though, for I finally get to taste Yihui's famed horrible cooking, had a rather pleasant surprise that the dishes she cooked today(admittedly not requiring that much expertise)were not only edible but tasty. haha, we also had beer at the end of the very non-productive study session at starbucks eariler.......but this is really not the focus of my blog entry...........

Everytime I go to CCK, there's always this part of me who just hoped to catch a glimpse of her, from far or in near proximity, just a glimpse. I have not seen her for a year plus le and I just cannot bring myself to meet her when I had the opportunity to, resulting in the refusal to attend two of my good friends' birthdays because I know she will be there. Escapism ain't exactly the best way to do something and I really really wish that I can just go for that two good friends' birthdays and special events from now on without including the 'her' factor....Often in my head, I will try to imagine what it would be like seeing her after such a long absence, will it be like, cordial, amicable, small talk of no consequences, but diplomatic niceties? will it be like, avoidance and limiting much contact with her? Or will i fall back into that vicious cycle? I really have no idea...no idea at all....

We haven't been in contact at all since 4 months plus ago, since I sms-ed her to wish her happy birthday. I guess, after pissing her off with the well-drilled messages that my rational self managed to conjure up that my life is better off without you, make her so firm on her decision to never contact me again. For, I may just become that stranger which I wanted to be...just so that I don't have to be stuck into a vicious cycle again, just so that I can move on, just so that I can give the 'out of sight, out of thought' theory a try....Yet, I can't help but wonder whether she's right when she said that, to be strangers is just a temporary game that we two are playing.......yet maybe the game has long ended for her, while subconsciously, I'm still playing this stupid game...this game that long ought to have ceased and move on.....

I'm definitely moving on though, seemingly with a whole lot of false dawns along the way...but yet, always a step forward...or at least 3 steps forward, 1 step back, the least that I managed to do is to stop asking for her updates for close to 3 months le.....in a perverse way, she kept my sanity, or maybe to be more accurate, the idealized image of her kept me sane or insane...can't really tell the difference at times, for that fine line keeps blurring...with her at the back of my mind, I am able to reduce any possible tugging of the heartstrings by any other girl to a bare minimum that will be extingushed easily. This should be considered a merit isn't it? For to be troubled by matters of the heart is really just quite dumb..........(an irony considering this blog entry)

I wish I can say this will be the last time I blog about her, but judging by the fact that despite my strong desire to delete all her sms-es and pictures on the bus just now, I still can't do it.....does speaks volumes...

* Disclaimer- This blog entry is the direct result of intoxication. I am not down or sad, just feeling and thinking a bit more than usual, will be up n going to mug for that darn hy module tmr. urgh.

failing

C+ n D for two 20percent history term papers, a C grade average for a 50percent CA for that module. ouch. From a student who regularly tops his history classes since sec 3. What will my history teacher from sec 3 says to me when he hears about this? From the student who bugs him regarding a 75 mark prelim result to get a few more marks because I thought I deserve it, when there's only 3 people in the class getting that result? From my jc history teachers whom I wrote extra assignments for, just to ensure that there's zero chance of me faltering in the A-levels for history. From a nus student who is dissatisfied with his combined CAP score of 4.25 for 8 history modules, from a political science student who's considering a masters in history....

There should not be any excuse for such an abysmal CA grade. Failure arose not because of how the prof for this module is especially anal and not inspiring. The root cause of failure is the amount of neglect that I exhibit towards this level 3 module this sem. This represents the worst feeling of failure that I have ever experienced in nus. I have a knack for bouncing back in history modules, been there, done that because pride refuses to keep me down. Yet this time round, the challenge seems to be beyond me, needing an A grade for the final exam to get a B grade which represents the worst ever grade I have ever received in nus for history(am still sore over it), I guess realistically, a B+ is all that I can aim for in the final resulting in a B- grade....yet, the prof's anal marking and my own lack of effort in this solitary history module this sem make even that an uncertainty.

No confidence, no mood, no time, no conviction=no chance.

English heartbreak

England lost. England failed. England was not good enough to qualify for Euro 2008.

Steve, please resign. Steve, you suck. Steve, you just ain't good enough.

What is Euro 2008 without England?

Wasn't tonite supposed to be the Beckham miracle like in 2001?

Ain't England a quarter-final team at the very least?

HAIZ................................................................................

words of wisdom

While waiting for the mrt to go to school today, a quote on the mrt electronic signboard caught my eye,

'Unfortunately, many of life's failures are experienced by people who did not realise how close they were to success when they gave up.'
- Thomas Edison

These words of wisdom were like a ray of sunlight that crept out of the dark clouds in my academic endeavours so far. Defeatism was like an endemic disease that plagued me in my hell-ish period where I endured 5 deadlines in 2 weeks. In the midst of that crazy period, there were often times when I felt like giving up. Like when I can't really link Clausewitz,perhaps the greatest military thinker even till today to a 21st century Sino-US relation with Taiwan as a flashpoint. Like when I did my presentation slides till 6 plus am in the morning for a presentation at 9am, culminating in a 39 hour sleepless ordeal. Like when I got my C+ for a history essay two days before the submission of the next one.....

Defeatism is something new, something that has not appeared in my uni days. Guess, the focus is gone with the ending of that dream. Guess, when I need only a B grade average for my remaining modules (close two eyes also can get) to retain my ordinary 2nd upper contributed to this. Perhaps also, is that academic fatigue that comes hand in hand with the crazy deadlines of honours year.

Exams are 1 week plus away, yet, I still have one last deadline, due next tuesday, rested 3 days so far le with really little motivation since that hell period, think will be very preoccupied with the last deadline, but I will remember Edison's words of wisdom. Drive on, Yanwei! The battles may be needless, but you need to remember the satisfaction that you get from recovering from your setbacks. You need to prove to yourself that you can do it! You need to not disappoint yourself! You need to....

vulnerability

Vulnerability is sexy, this tends to be one of the factors that I look for...but recently, I realised that plain vulnerability has lost much of its appeal to me. Gone is the 17 yr old boy who believes that, 'man are always superior to woman.' I cannot see myself believing in this absurd idea. Perhaps, by the age of 24, my contact with the fairer sex has been so frequent that this flawed idea just suffered a natural death. Now, vulnerabilty is not sexy, but vulnerability of a strong woman is sexy. That emotional strength of a woman is such a big draw especially when she has some vulnerability pegged to it. I still do not want a strong, independent woman who can handle every and anything in this world. But, to need help and support in every and anything is not exactly a draw. I still believe that as a man, you need to be strong, have broad shoulders and deal with anything and everything that comes your way. For that's what men are for, isn't it? We cannot afford to be weak. Yet, there are times in life where even strong men have their off days and weaknesses.

I guess, I don't really mind a career woman anymore. I am not even fixated about the idea of wishing that my wife would be a housewife next time. The fact that a girl has a mind of her own is actually pretty attractive. Furthermore, in this day and age, women whom are more capable are everywhere. There's really no logic or rationale in expecting or wishing that your wife sacrifices her dreams for your sake or the family's sake. This is not the ancient times anymore, whereby women's identity is defined as an extension of her husband. That is a really sad thought.

Perhaps, my jc classmates were right back then, I was never a mcp. I was just a mcp-wannabe. Duhz, the issue that I have with both labels were the fact that they were just thrown upon me in the first few weeks of school. All because, I said that the Qing Dynasty and the Russian Tsarist regime fell largely because of women. Warped, warped reasoning. haha, now I understand why my GP teacher told me to never tackle any gender questions after marking one of my essays on it.

Women may be the fairer sex, but they are definitely not the weaker sex. :)

academic ramblings/future?

As the clock ticks ever closer to my hell weeks-3 presentations(only 1 that is on my 20 page essay), 3 20 page essays, 1 5 page primary document analysis, 1 history term essay, I seriously need to get my engine started again. Been going on 2nd or third gear and not full speed so far...I like studying..yet, the stuff I'm studying can be really depressing at times...

Noam Chomsky exposed the really sucky side of US foreign policy and affected my love for the United States of America. I am a product or should I say, a victim of US cultural hegemony. I look at the US and see in it, the wonderful(yet propagandistic) products of hollywood, the American Dream, the lovely values such as democracy and human rights as epitomized by the Wilson's Fourteen Points and FDR's Atlantic Charter. Yet,my replies and criticism to Noam's book in my book review was so weak, I couldn't defend America after he listed all the atrocities of US FP..haiz, still I hold on to my love for US because things can get so much worse...

Studying about the dictators of Europe can be so depressing, I keep reading about the millions of people dying under Stalin, Mussolini been exposed as all style not much substance and I'm going to come into contact again with my favorite dictator soon, Adolf Hitler. Though, of course, the emphasis would be again on how he cause the Holocaust and his follies that led to his downfall. Not that I don't know anything about the evils of these dictators, its the incessant emphasis on their wrongdoings that is leading to a kind of intellectual fulfilment yet emotional depression.

For my module under my favorite Prof Alan Chong, I am again lost in outer space. I know I love that feeling of getting lost, and that's because out of all my modules this sem or even in nus so far, only Prof Chong could get me lost. I wonder is it due to my respect or admiration for him that I can't seem to be able to speak with conviction. Always looking at the lectures with a belief that I know too little to comment, when I know that I know so much more than other students in the class who speaks up. Needing to speak up, yet not having the confidence to(only in this module), its such a puzzling paradox that I have to come to terms with. I really really appreciate Prof Chong's lectures though for I learn so much, and I mean really a lot under him. He is the person who make me know that even at honours level, the knowledge that I possess is still not enough. And not many other profs are as inspiring as he is. My last module under him and with such a remote possibility that I will have him as my HT supervisor, I am just going to soak into this last chance of education under him.

I'm doing a paper on North Korea for regional security. And my grand theory just collapsed recently with the summit meeting(as already mentioned). That illustrates to me the fact that my realist orientation need some relaxation and I cannot be blinded by it.

Studying about the political parties and elections in Asia so far also made me realised that democracy as an ideal is just impossible. Politics is about power and not exactly about the people. Yet, of course, comparative political scientists are always exploring ways to provide models that might benefit a country more than the present system. But, the main goal of politicians ain't about finding the perfect system, they are concerned, first and foremost with gaining power or staying in power. They say politics is dirty. They are right.

Disillusioned? No, perhaps, I'm just tired. Tired at the feeling of experience and knowledge taking the place of innocence and ideals. Though I'm not ruling out doing a masters just yet, I must say I'm edging ever closer to working life. I just feel that taking a break from academia will serve me better. I want to feel that I'm making a difference. I don't want ideas to stay as ideas. Arguments that sound good on paper may just be that, plain theory. I feel that strong need to make a difference in people's life, in policy formulation, even if that difference is not great. Again, not ruling out working in the private sector, my passion for the civil/public service is getting so much stronger. This must be due to my education and my experience via my internships and mentorship. I just can't see myself working for profit as a bottomline. I want to be able to work for the public good. I want to be able to make a difference in the lives of Singaporeans. To serve for this country I love, this appeals to me. A product of good national education? :p Perhaps, but this is my home.

Of course, I can't wait for the financial independence that I will get when I start working. I can see my car in the horizons, going for the many plays and musicals that I always want to go, visiting Old Trafford, going for overseas holidays and just enjoy life as a yuppie.

world peace

After ages during which the earth produced harmless trilobites and butterflies, evolution progressed to the point at which it has generated Neros, Genghis Khans and Hitlers. This, however, I believe is a passing nightmare; in time the earth will become again incapable of supporting life, and peace will return.

Bertrand Russell

personality test

8pm,in the com lab. Waiting for Hong to finish his webpage assignment, bored, tired from the exertions due to the preparations for today's US FP's presentation...Decided to do the personality test that I chanced upon on Yixian's blog...and i must say, the results were pretty accurate. Perhaps the results would shed some lights on my seemingly contradictory self....


Your Type is INFJ
Introverted 44%
Intuitive 50%
Feeling 38%
Judging 78%


Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
by Joe Butt
Profile: INFJ
Revision: 3.01
Date of Revision: 6 Mar 2005

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists -- INFJs gravitate toward such a role -- are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.

"There's something rotten in Denmark." Accurately suspicious about others' motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.

Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.

Functional Analysis:

Introverted iNtuition
Introverted intuitives, INFJs enjoy a greater clarity of perception of inner, unconscious processes than all but their INTJ cousins. Just as SP types commune with the object and "live in the here and now" of the physical world, INFJs readily grasp the hidden psychological stimuli behind the more observable dynamics of behavior and affect. Their amazing ability to deduce the inner workings of the mind, will and emotions of others gives INFJs their reputation as prophets and seers. Unlike the confining, routinizing nature of introverted sensing, introverted intuition frees this type to act insightfully and spontaneously as unique solutions arise on an event by event basis.

Extraverted Feeling
Extraverted feeling, the auxiliary deciding function, expresses a range of emotion and opinions of, for and about people. INFJs, like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor. Some vent the attending emotions in private, to trusted allies. Such confidants are chosen with care, for INFJs are well aware of the treachery that can reside in the hearts of mortals. This particular combination of introverted intuition and extraverted feeling provides INFJs with the raw material from which perceptive counselors are shaped.

Introverted Thinking
The INFJ's thinking is introverted, turned toward the subject. Perhaps it is when the INFJ's thinking function is operative that he is most aloof. A comrade might surmise that such detachment signals a disillusionment, that she has also been found lacking by the sardonic eye of this one who plumbs the depths of the human spirit. Experience suggests that such distancing is merely an indication that the seer is hard at work and focusing energy into this less efficient tertiary function.

Extraverted Sensing
INFJs are twice blessed with clarity of vision, both internal and external. Just as they possess inner vision which is drawn to the forms of the unconscious, they also have external sensing perception which readily takes hold of worldly objects. Sensing, however, is the weakest of the INFJ's arsenal and the most vulnerable. INFJs, like their fellow intuitives, may be so absorbed in intuitive perceiving that they become oblivious to physical reality. The INFJ under stress may fall prey to various forms of immediate gratification. Awareness of extraverted sensing is probably the source of the "SP wannabe" side of INFJs. Many yearn to live spontaneously; it's not uncommon for INFJ actors to take on an SP (often ESTP) role.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Introverted iNtuiting Feeling Judging
by Marina Margaret Heiss
INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.

In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Portrait of the Counselor Idealist (iNFj)

Copyrighted © 1996-2007 Prometheus Nemesis Book Company

The Counselor Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in reaching their goals, and enterprising and attentive in their interpersonal roles. Counselors focus on human potentials, think in terms of ethical values, and come easily to decisions. The small number of this type (little more than 2 percent) is regrettable, since Counselors have an unusually strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their companions. Although Counsleors tend to be private, sensitive people, and are not generally visible leaders, they nevertheless work quite intensely with those close to them, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes with their families, friends, and colleagues. This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people.

Counselors can be hard to get to know. They have an unusually rich inner life, but they are reserved and tend not to share their reactions except with those they trust. With their loved ones, certainly, Counselors are not reluctant to express their feelings, their face lighting up with the positive emotions, but darkening like a thunderhead with the negative. Indeed, because of their strong ability to take into themselves the feelings of others, Counselors can be hurt rather easily by those around them, which, perhaps, is one reason why they tend to be private people, mutely withdrawing from human contact. At the same time, friends who have known a Counselor for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that they are inconsistent; Counselors value their integrity a great deal, but they have intricately woven, mysterious personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors have strong empathic abilities and can become aware of another's emotions or intentions -- good or evil -- even before that person is conscious of them. This "mind-reading" can take the form of feeling the hidden distress or illnesses of others to an extent which is difficult for other types to comprehend. Even Counselors can seldom tell how they came to penetrate others' feelings so keenly. Furthermore, the Counselor is most likely of all the types to demonstrate an ability to understand psychic phenomena and to have visions of human events, past, present, or future. What is known as ESP may well be exceptional intuitive ability-in both its forms, projection and introjection. Such supernormal intuition is found frequently in the Counselor, and can extend to people, things, and often events, taking the form of visions, episodes of foreknowledge, premonitions, auditory and visual images of things to come, as well as uncanny communications with certain individuals at a distance.

Mohandas Gandhi and Eleanor Roosevelt are examples of the Counselor Idealist (INFJ).

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*I wonder how many of my friends actually bothered to read through the whole personality test results. The link to do the test-

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

North Korea

Brillant. Just brillant. Just as I poured through about 20 books/journal articles for my North Korea term paper/presentation in three weeks time, the news of a historic summit between the Presidents of South Korea and North Korea call for reunification but more importantly, the nuclear issue! My thesis statement was going to point out how China-US nexus is critical to North Korea giving up the nuclear weapons and the futility of the 6 party talks(with Japan complicating issues at the talk with its emphasis on kidnappings by North Koreans) and hurray, North Korea had agreed to a disarmament programme. Sighz,political scientist's life rocks....

Besides the slight irritation, I'm actually happy about this news.. though as a political scientist and a hardcore realist, I wonder whether it will prove to a false dawn. Oh well, NK did go back on his agreement in 1993, didn't they? And wasn't NK a rogue state as perceived by Bush?(Yes, i know, he's dumb) After reading so many articles, some as recent as april this year, and not many actually forsee this coming, I'm starting to be a bit sceptical about the analysis of political scientists....

If the North Korean issue can be solved peacefully, if reunification can occur without bloodshed, if nuclear weapons can be disarmed peacefully, I will start having faith in human race again and become a LIBERAL! Oh no, i can't do that, Myanmar issue happening at the moment, n let's not forget about the many crisis zones still mired in disasters, and this simply disgusting divide of resources between the haves and the have-nots.....

Realism, you cannot go wrong with it. Not fundamentally, anyway.

* I wish the human race will prove me wrong. I wish world peace is not just a bimbotic aspiration said by beauty pageants.

a vaccum

Wondering whether you are right
And questioning my own thoughts
Not wanting to say out loud
To resist that temptation
Is quite an uphill task
No one truly understands
Got to sort this out

Sometimes, the most beautiful things in life are the things you can't get.

Grandma's birthday

I went for my Grandma's birthday celebration this evening. Can't help but notice the absence of some of my uncles, aunties and cousins..has life gotten that busy for them to actually miss ah ma's b'day..haiz...

My Ah Ma is 76 le, a very strong woman,someone whom I not only respect a lot but also shares a special bond with. She went through so much, raising 6 daughters and 3 sons singlehandedly, still selling the same vegetables, bean sprouts, mee,etc,etc today(even when she can retire le) and still worrying about her children and her grandchildren. I would like to think that I have not given her any reason to worry about me, but I am not so foolish to even contemplate that thought.....

I am her favorite grandchild. As the son of her eldest son and also the eldest grandson, I guess this comes as no surprise. I must be that first special bundle of joy. And I remembered she did spoil me a lot. What I can't get from my parents, I got from her. I don't have any figment of memory of her scolding me but only how she rub away my tears, be there for me,siding with me even when I'm wrong and I guess, just the sight of her calms me, sometimes, perhaps even more than the presence of my parents. She doesn't have to say that she loves me, I can feel it, geniune, altruistic love that she has for every one of her children and her grandchildren....

Maybe that's why the absence of these aunties,uncles and cousins was quite poignant for me. I have never missed Ah Ma's birthday and I made a promise to myself today that I will try my very best to attend Ah Ma's birthday as much as circumstances allow me to. For what can be more important than the birthday of my dearest ah ma(maybe, a mission in the name of national security is one such matter though :p-haha, think too much le).

Ah Ma, I know its not in our family tradition to say this and I don't think you will ever hear this from me in person or been able to read this blog entry,but I just wanted to say,

I love you. Happy Birthday :)

tagged

I got tagged by Yixian. So, I shall be nice and not disappoint her.

Rules: Each player of the game starts off by writing 6 weird things about themselves before choosing another 6 of their friends to "sabo". People who get tagged needs to write in a blog on their own, 6 weird things about themselves and state the rules clearly.

1. I have a fetish for NAZI history. So much so that, I think I will make a good NAZI historian. :p

2. I'm a pragmatic realist when I deal with mundane matters, yet a hopeless idealist when it is issues concerning matters of the heart.

3. I listen to Christian songs and read the bible when I'm really down. Yet, I do not see myself becoming a christian anytime soon. Possibly this may be due to me not wanting to become a christian in a time when I need external, divine help. I will only become a christian when I can turn to God in a position of strength. Sounds weird enough? I think so too...

4. I am usually chatty and affable yet, my vocabulary and grammar may disappear when I meet someone I like. Hmm.....

5. People say I am a sadist. Perhaps, I see the rationale for pain. Pain makes you appreciate things more. Scars on the other hand is a totally different thing...

6. I am indeed a bundle of contradictions. now, that's weird isn't it? :p

Okie, I won't tag anyone. And, friends reading this, try not to tag me too. Don't exactly like doing tags. :p

sunshine

Its a bit ironic that I use the term sunshine to describe my feelings today. Considering that I had a 9am class on a rainy morning coupled with a minimum of 2 hours of sleep(my warped clock, tsk), the signs for a monday blues seem both ominious and imminent. However, this turned out to be my best monday for weeks.

Its amazing how little things in life can bring you so much joy. A simple sms from someone special just filled my heart with warmth that the cold weather cannot override. Though, I won't make the mistake of reading too much into it, as there are too much uncertainties le, but I'm really happy. And, sometimes, moments of happiness like this are not meant to be rationally deconstructed.

And my best friend, Andrew who went M.I.A.-ing in KL with his work, work, work is finally online for the longest time ever(ok, i may be exaggerating, but hey, a month is a long time for me with regards to him, bleahz). I got to catch up with him again, hearing that he's doing fine, rocks. Telling him I miss him and knowing that he miss me too just make the day perfect. And, yes, my graduation day is far far away, but he already promised he will try his best to take leave from his work to come for it. How sweet! Shucks, I sound so gay, but if there is anyone in this world who's indispensible to me at this moment(with the exception of my family), its him. 11 yrs of friendship and counting.

School took a turn for the better too. I have managed to take it easier le. And with my filtering mechanism turned on to filter analysis from crap and my decision to switch off at crap at intervals and start drawing things on my notebook, I felt so much more at ease. What's more, there are still instances in classes that I will feel the need to speak up and actually enjoy doing that, taking a stand, speaking from a position of strength and even just some lighthearted talk. haha, its actually amazing to me how once you identify a problem, you can actually remedy it so soon.

After four weeks of school, there's actually an interesting presentation! The third presenter, Ying Shi for regional security seminar captured my attention for her whole presentation and the q n a session. She did the unimaginable thing........trying to sell a grand theory. Whole-ly unconventional and quite original indeed. Not the regular staple that my peers have dished out so far(and what I might possibly do too). A pity that her grand theory has many flaws in it that probably the majority of the class(sadly, including me) could not really buy it. The usual refrains from the ps cohort have to come into factor again, using established theoretical construct, questioning the argument with the other side of the coin and basically trying to bash something original. Sighz, must our minds really be so closed, I kinda wonder. I am seriously hoping that she can iron out the limitations of her argument and polish that raw gem into a diamond. For, originality and boldness in her argument did capture my attention. For whatever the limitations of the points in her presentation, that was a really interesting viewpoint. Her presentation brought semblances of the criticisms levelled towards Grand theorists such as Huntington(Clash of Civilization thesis) and Mackinder(Heartland theory).

What a great way to start the week! Going gym-ing tommorow too. :)

ranting, just ranting

* What lies ahead is an incoherent ranting that does not make for easy reading.

Its 5am again. It seems like this is my favorite timing to pen some of my thoughts. Maybe, the inner turmoil that I have been going through for the past few weeks dies down at around this timing of the day. The last lap of the nite, the break of dawn nears, the sun rises and a whole new day begins. This daily occurances do amaze me, this is one of the most amazing things in life. To be able to experience this on a daily basis should suffice....no?

Fatma told me again and again, 'Life is as complicated as I made it out to be.', I'm starting to visualize this point more and more. Why do I have the tendency to complicate life itself? Life can be just simple, cant it? Yet, I feel that the complexies of life will haunt me, has haunted me since eons ago. I might have just lost that childlike innocence that Blake keeps preaching about. He's right, childlike innocence once lost, can never be recovered. Or am I still stubbornly clinging on to one part of me that remains as a child and yet can't reconcile that with my own rational thinking. For thinking with the brain is a whole different matter from thinking with the heart, maybe one should apply rationality to everything. Maybe one should exercise caution and discretion when doing anything and everything. Yet, deep down, I know I dont want that part to be lost, I want to be irrational at times, I want to be able to feel. I try my hardest to be desensitized, very hard, because I just can't look at the world and only see its bad points. I tear at movies, often silently with noone even noticing, autobiographies during times of wars and chaos, others misfortunes..yet I know there is only so much stuff that I can receive from the dark side. People are dying as and when I'm typing this blog entry or when you are reading this..yet I remained obsessed with the myopic picture of me, myself and my problems. Sometimes, I find that very ironic, isn't it already a blessing that I am alive... I remembered telling wan ting, that I can't change the world, I'm just an ordinary man, but she told me something along the lines, that you can, as long as you made a difference in another person's life and you did make a difference in mine. And so, what are some of my self-reflections of my small, negligible problems in life?

I feel like a rubber band, stretched and stretched and stretched until it snapped without me knowing. It has snapped, I realised, the outburst that happened was not just a one-off thing, its more of a long term building up process. I realised that my efforts(which is a hell lot) is not exactly bringing me that intellectual fulfilment that I am looking for. That sense of assurance, that comfortability and that ease has gone missing. I'm confused, I'm feeling an additional, unnecessary weight of stress and burden that seems to have no outlet for release. Even after completing like 200over pages of readings for one topic, my brain signals to me, there's so much more to know, this is the tip of the iceberg, you still have no access to the whole picture and this is starting to frighten me....yet, my bias towards the readings of some modules over another have left me in a precarious position that I'm far behind in readings for others. I simply do not have the time for my studies(which I value a lot) and my social life(heavily circumscribed le)....

That unnecessary pressure also arose from that excessive pride of mine. People who know me well knows that this is my biggest merit and my biggest flaw. My dream has ended, but the bruised ego remains brusied. Its like crying out for attention, asking me to soothe it, to make it feel better. To bring it the success that it craves and that means tangible results, grades in this instance. For the bruised ego insists that not meeting my own potential(however, overrated this concept is) is bad enough, to continue to underperform is even a worse sin. Coupled with that almost mythical belief in my own ability to perform, to get that A grade that I craves, this just feels like a double whammy, making failure seems like an unthinkable thing, making mediocrity appears as a non-option.

But it is just so contradictory, this kind of unnecessary, counterproductive and incessant pressure has clouded my analytical skills,made writer's blocks seems more certain, made the formulation of ideas tough and made absorption difficult, it has even affected my motivation level. I am grappling with it at the moment, trying to make life easier again for things will be much easier when you are not obsessed with something and allows you to take a step back and see things in a different light.

And no, I'm not like just fighting a war on one front, its actually two fronts. Isnt that the worst senarios that every warlord, every leaders of the nations fears? The fear of encirclement, the fear of entrapment and of course the fear of defeat.

My irrational, emotional self took a hit today. It hurts, but I guess the hurt is good. For if you don't suffer pain, how would you know what is joy? It serves as an awakening. I shall cease to care as much as my heart wants me to. Inadvertantly, I'm actually causing that person some unnecessary troubles. It puts a drain on me too, needing to take time off other kinds of worries that is actually bothering me. I felt dispensible...maybe I am not dispensible, but that feeling sure did strike me and perhaps I am dispensible. I guess, fading into oblivion seems a viable alternative isn't it, for there's no point in caring so much and making life tough for myself. I shall keep myself preoocupied with all the stuff that I have on hand now. Haiz...

What a long entry, blogging does have its therapeutic effects. I guess, in this journey in life, there are times when people will fall by the sidelines, needing a reality check and just some time to clear their thoughts.

actually

Its simple, actually.
No fuss, no complications.
Just simplicity, that's all.

Its nothing, actually.
Absence, void, emptiness.
Just nothingness, that's all.

Its history, actually.
Past tense, memories.
Just history, that's all.

Its melancholy, actually.
Irrational, fleeting.
Just melancholy, that's all.

my ps clique

I felt so lost on my first day of school. The usual faces at the dungeon were no longer there and I felt the loss of my ps clique- Heyi, Hong, Meiling and Zheyuan. School without them just doesn't seem to be school anymore. So lost, that I sms-ed Meiling and Hong about it. I did most of my projects in nus with them, ate lunch with them, chilling out in the library, rushing midterm papers throughout the nite together, going out pubbing/pool/studying until wee hours into the morning or even morning with them. Haiz, all I needed in political science was just them. Hong's last semester in nus le... seeing him on thursday brought back so much comfort, yes, I missed my first lesson in nus becos he overslept, but still, just seeing him in this setting cheers me up. Going to his house to play with Mocha made my day even better. We plan to take the same tutorials for the only two modules we have together, me sacrificing my only free day and he taking a 10am lesson at a huge risk because we know that this is probably the last semester in our life that we study together. I'm really thankful to have him for this semester before I 'go solo' next semester.

Going solo is of course too drastic to describe it, I still have friends whom I knew for quite some time to hang out with- Roy and the new media gang to talk cock with, Peishan(going for sep this sem), Wanrong, Fatma, Nabilla,Min Li, Joan, Zhixiang are amongst the friends I have known for quite a while that I feel at ease with to study together. And also my PA internmates- Daniel, Yishu, Hock Sing and Ben whom I clicked so well during my internship. Even though this is only the first week of school, I also know quite a few new friends le...

But at the end of the day, I guess, I will still miss my PS clique and when Hong finally graduates this sem, I will feel that school as a Political Science Major has more or less ended in a metaphorical sense for me too. Oh well, partings are just part and parcel of life, no longer coursemates but definitely friends for life. :)

a fan's agony

Its 5am. Manchester United drew again. 2 draws in 2 matches. 4 points off the top of the table already. I can feel my heart wrenching with every passing minute of the matches. My mood changes from confidence to optimism to nervous-ness to despair and finally resignation. With a Manchester derby in the weekend, I start to wonder, can life get even more painful for a Red Devils fan? Nonsense, my heart tells me, 'Of course, we are going to win that game and many many games from now on, we are after all Manchester United.'

The title race is still not over, bleahz. I shall wear my favorite Manchester United t-shirt later for classes.

And at the end of the season, I shall sing to the tune of ' We are the Champions, We are the Champions of England...' and ' Glory Glory, Man United, Glory Glory, Man United, Glory Glory, Man United, and the Reds go marching on...'

beautiful song

Beautiful. Lailin, when I read about your blog post regarding your reaction towards my elaboration of how crazy this world is, I seriously have no reply. Yes, I painted a very bleak picture of the world and 'ignorance is still bliss' for the bulk of the masses. Let this video be my answer and also an attempt to add some colour to the bleak picture. As long as there's still humans, there will always be hope.

A Modern Sonnet

From the movie- 10 things I hate about you,

A parody of Shakespheare's Sonnet 141

I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick. It even makes me rhyme.
I hate it-
I hate the way you are always right. I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you are not around and the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly, I hate the way I don't hate you,
not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

holidays

My internship with PA,CO finally ended yesterday. Having started this internship on May 7th, 3 days after my last exam paper, I started my holidays with a bout of flu. Still reeling from the sneezes and the runny nose, I caught up with much needed sleep and rest for my body today. There's still two weeks of holidays left before I am engulfed by the massive load of readings required by the honours year. I can finally do some guilt-free slacking amidst modules-bidding, reading of that genre of intellectually stimulating and emotionally stifling books which is the standard fare of a political science/history major and catching up with friends. That desire for academic excellence is still burning strongly while the strategic caculus has ceased to exist. Enough said about what lies ahead, now I shall do some reflections upon my internship stint....

I had one of my best mentors in life in this internship. He tried his best to share his experiences with me, not just in PA, but in life. His instructions, his words of advice, his debrief after every meeting, every event will be something that I will never forget in life. Experience is such a priceless quality.

Like my previous internship with nexus, this has again been a humbling experience. Probably even more so than my stint with nexus. I was exposed to stuff that my training as a political scientist failed to equipped me with. Much more importantly, I feel is the people skills that I have picked up in this internship. No, I was never intellectually overwhelmed in this internship(unlike my last one which tested my creativity/analytical/research skills to the fullest), but this time round, this internship brushed up my soft skills in life. Not that PS majors are socially inept, we must be the most vocal and impressive amongst fass students in terms of how to present yourself, communicate and sell your ideas, but school can only provide that much.

One unexpected outcome of this internship is the friendships cultivated during this period. No, I don't mean networking, I meant friendship. Knowing people that are of the same wavelength, fun people whom I can click on both the intellectual level and on the social level. Fun people whom I feel very comfortable with. I know that these are people that friendships can be built upon, that I will like more and more and that I will treasure.

Of course, there are also downsides of this internship, the absence of a challenge that can overwhelm my intellectual ability, the lack of empowerment, the mundane tasks such as data entry and filing and the free-er periods of this internship proved to be dampeners.

All in all, this experience has been invaluable and has added on to my personal growth. Another step forward, another experience to make myself more marketable. Maybe what I have is still not enough to fulfill my dream, but this is definitely a step in the right direction.

I need to keep taking steps in the right direction, not allowing myself to rest on my own's laurels and keep believing that dreams are not impossible. Only with continued personal growth and a sustantial marketability of myself to my potential employers can I pursue my goal of working for the public good in an area that appeals to me most.

msn conversation

yanwei says:
i'm sure u will be a great mother..

yanwei says:
:)

[definitely.maybe] i've got a right to be wrong. says:
HAHAHHAAH

yanwei says:
.......

.................................................

love

Love, what is love? I don't think you can really put it into words. Love is understanding someone, caring for him, sharing his joys and sorrows. This eventually includes physical love. You've shared something, given something away and received something in return, whether or not you are married , whether or not you have a baby. Losing your virtue doesn't matter, as long as you know that for as long as you live you'll have someone at your side who understands you, and who doesn't have to be shared with anyone else!

-Anne M. Frank

history

History should stay as it is, history. The past should not be allowed to haunt the future. We will all have our fair share of historical baggage. What we have experienced in the past shaped us and changed us into the person we are today. I have changed, I feel for the better. Because most of my fundamental notions towards the idea of love has not changed, yet, I am finally able to curb some of that irrational feeling. I feel more in control le. Yet, I'm also more afraid. Gone are the days where I actually believe that love can conquer all. Gone are the days that pain, even excessive amount of it is worth it. Gone are the days that I'm foolhardy. Or maybe, because I'm not deeply in love at the moment. With love, I'm not afraid of the pain, the heartbreak that comes along with it, I'm only afraid of the fact that I will lose control of myself. Losing control, not doing the rational thing scares me. Everything can just spiral down into a vicious cycle where one attempts to hang on to an illusion, false hope and lead to just more and more pain. The difficulty of breaking out of the cycle is very scary indeed.

Today, I finally had closure. Painful, a very painful closure. But, it was worth the pain. Despite the pain, I felt light again, free even. Free from the chains of enslavement. No longer a fish.. or maybe a fish in the deep vast ocean. haha, sighz..the taste of freedom is so sweet. Happiness is the only thing that really matters. :)

book hunting

I had to get a book today. My $10 kino book voucher was going to expire tommorow. And so, I went to Kinokuniya after work. I told myself a couple of times that I am not going to buy a book on nazi history. Having already finished one book,'The trial of major war criminals in Nuremberg' and currently finishing up another biography upon this nazi period, 'Triumph of Hope, From Theresienstadt and Auschwitz to Israel' and having three more nazi history books waiting in the wings(thank you Joan for the 3 books), I was pretty sure that I would be enticed by some other subject matter/genre. Maybe American foreign policy? Maybe Singapore's foreign policy? Maybe a novel?

Upon reaching Kino, I tried my best to steer clear of the nazi history section(my favorite section over the years) and with purpose, I was looking for the heading named Political Science, yet it proved to be quite elusive and the shelves labelled Current Affairs caught my eye. There lies the wide array of famous American political scientists, Joseph Nye, Samuel Huntington, Francis Fukayama and many many books written by Noam Chomsky regarding American foreign policy. Currently reading his latest book,'Failed States, The abuse of power and the assault on democracy' , I hesitated to get another book by him. 'That guy's deep and I am still in the midst of trying to figure about his ideological orientation, maybe another time', was what came up in my mind at that moment.. I scanned through the titles of the books available upon the few shelves displaying the books under the label 'Current Affairs' and something struck me. All the books was on America and by American writers....yes, I am a fan of America, but I was expecting a wider array of books by different writers. Kino isn't even an American bookshop, for goodness sake, they should have just renamed the few shelves, American Affairs and not Current Affairs. That quote that refused to go away, came to my mind again,

‘Knowledge is power, but power is knowledge. Power decides what is knowledge and what is not knowledge.’ Claude Alvares

American hegemony, soft power, the allure of American ideas,hard power, such is the pull of American influence and its insidious impact upon this ordinary Singaporean

However, I was disgusted enough by such inappropriate and insensitive displays that I decided to take a break from American writers. Next, I move to books regarding the region. While looking at the singapore studies collection, I noticed that three japanese tourists took Lee's memoirs and wanted to buy it. At that moment, I felt proud. Proud that Lee Kwan Yew, the de facto father of independent Singapore has left an indelible mark on history and respected internationally. Probably more people has heard of Lee Kwan Yew than Singapore. Hong's words while introducing the military museum in Beijing flooded back, ' Lee Kwan Yew was the only overseas Chinese leader who has a statue in this museum '......need I say more...?

Nothing really caught my eye though, Southeast Asia was a tad boring, the only book that caught my eye was the latest Aung San Suu kyi biography. I was tempted but not tempted enough. Then the brief walk through the political science shelves, upon reaching there, I yawned. This feel like school again, I'm seriously not in the mood to study about stuff like state making in my holidays. Moving on to the shelves upon Europe, I saw something that caught my attention, a picture showing Hitler's back and him giving a speech to the hundreds of thousands of Germans. What a majestic picture! I browse through the book and saw that it covered the perversion/subordination of religion from the past to the present(holocaust, nazi period to the london bombings). Intriguing, I must admit, but by then, I could not resist that desire anymore. That desire to just go to the shelves displaying the books on nazi history.

I had to and boy, oh boy, the sensation that hit me when I finally reached that shelf. I was overwhelmed with excitement, feeling like a boy in a candy shop again and have a tough time picking the title I want. Is it going to be another holocaust biography? Or do I want to read about the love life of Hitler? Art and Hitler? The propaganda machine? The Nuremberg Trials? Allies espionage in NAZI Germany? Or the struggle for power within the inner circle of the nazi elites? Until the picture of Anne Frank caught my eye... Anne Frank, the famous jewish girl, the so-called symbol of the holocaust...someone I had missed out so far in my interest in nazi history. I was actually a bit irritated when Lailin mentioned Anne Frank that time and I didn't know who and what she represented. There were books on poems written in the dedication of her, biographies upon her and of course, her own diary. Browsing through the diary, I knew this was the book that I was going to buy. So what if I will have 5 nazi history books to finish, I'm really enjoying this journey back to this period. The goosebumps, that ride into social history, the authentic stories, the tears, the joys, the pains, all those emotions evoked are just darn enjoyable.

'Anne Frank, the diary of a young girl' was my purchase in the end.



Yes, I know. I have a fetish for nazi history.

experience

I have eaten more salt than you have eaten rice.

Listen to seemingly-unpleasant but invaluable advice from an old person or else, you will lose out.

A loose translation of the two chinese sayings in life that I have heard many many times. As I grow older, I start to appreciate these two sayings more and more. For EXPERIENCE, a ten-letter word so loaded with significance cannot be replaced by anything else. In short, there is no substitute for experience.

I feel blessed. Blessed that at this stage in life, I have had mentors who bother to give me advice, to teach me the ropes, to point out insights that I may have missed out.

Cheater

Disclaimer- There will be a lot of ranting and vulgarities ahead in this post, the writer regret to inform readers who decide to read on that he is not liable for any adverse effect on their mood or whatsoever.

Guys who cheat on their wives should be castrated. Bastards, Jerks, Assholes,Liars, they should all just be sent to hell and never ever be forgiven. Don't they know that marriage is a life-time commitment? I'm so disgusted, I feel like hitting that bastard and knock some sense out of him. Damn bastards, they are giving the male species such a fucking bad name. Why break a woman's heart when you decided to marry that person? Didn't you actually love her and treasure her? Didn't you take the vow to stand by her through thick and thin? And, yet, this happened within such a short time...I'm so peeved...Bastards like that should be sent to concentration camps for all I care. If you want a good fuck, go FUCK YOURSELF, ASSHOLES. Disgust is a mild word and very much an understatement in this instance.

Women who seduce married men are just as bad. Freaking sluts, bitches, assholes,keep your hands or whatsoever off married men. For GOODNESS SAKE, there are plenty of single and pathetic losers out there for you to fool around with. DAMN, you sluts for breaking up marriages, for breaking up a family, for making the extended families of both parties hurt and feeling the anguish. Retribution is the least that people will put a curse upon you women. Get a life or pls FUCK OFF. DISGUSTING PIECES OF SHIT....

Sighz, its been a while since I experience such anger...but to feel the helplessness, anguish, hopelessness, despair, hurt, sorrow, pain of someone close who were betrayed just sucks. A friendly warning to all my guy friends out there, DON'T EVER EXPECT ME TO COVER YOUR SHIT IF YOU STRAYED. I WILL NOT. PERIOD. Think before you act, do not act like an ANIMAL or an IDIOT.

Shucks,I pray for A to have the strength to pull herself through this tough time, that A will be able to get over the heartbreak and the scars will be erased with time. I pray that she will still be the cheerful person whom I grew up with. I pray that all this will just be a bad nitemare that she will wake up from and be a stronger person. Tommorow will be a better day, yah, if only life is that simple, but perhaps, it can be, it will be, it must be. Its just...easier said than done.

Sighz, I had to rant. It cuts my heart to see someone close suffering. It does. And my already present hatred for cheaters has just been increased tenfold, no, make that a thousand fold or whatsoever.

* Sorry if I stun anyone with the spewing of vulgarities or spoil anyone's mood. I had to get this off my chest. And please show sensitivity and do not ask me what happened, I will share if I want to.

the end of the war

The war is lost. My dream has ended. No more moon, only stars..

Moments like this are remembered for life. The loss of a war, the end of a dream, the inevitable reality of effort plus potential not been enough to get the coveted goal. And yes, so many terms for an almost compulsive obsession with a first class honours dream. The knockout blow came much eariler than the semester that just ended. Derailed by an equally or even more-so obsession with her, my cap suffered a big drop of 0.9 that rendered the situation beyond me.(especially the pyschological blow that destroyed an aura of 'zai-ness') And so, it is finally over, mathematically. But, its well deserved isn't it? At the end of the day, I just did not meet my potential. I could have tried hard enough, could have stayed focused and then I will do much better than what I'm doing now. Now, in Joan's words(spoken a year plus back), I will just be an ordinary 2nd upper class grad. walking around. And yes, my ego doesnt like this feeling at all. >.<

This obsession started even before I entered NUS, one year into my national service, in a jc class gathering, I remembered asking Sujeeta about life in NUS and when I told her that I was aiming for a first class honours, she actually scoffed at that idea and went on to yak about how hard that is. That look on her face when I started my NUS life with a dean's list was one that I will never forget and now she have been proven right, this was indeed beyond me.

My best friend, Andrew, how hard have we fallen from grace! In my perspective at least. With the first class in sight in our early years in uni, we lost sight and eventually lost the quest. I will never forget that you top your cohort in the first year in computer science in Aberdeen University, nor will I forget the pact that we have and I wanted you to have that first class honours as badly as I wanted mine. But, you disappointed me with that loss in steam in year 3, sighz, and now, I have fallen. I know, a 2nd upper won't haunt you as much as it would haunt me, yet, I wish that the repercussions to this failure is going to be positive.

Left with pride to study for in honours year, I am not going to give up. But, no longer is the strategic reason for choosing modules anymore important, I am going to take challenging modules that interest me. The level 3000 hy module, Dictators of Europe will be something that I want to read upon next year. With my fetish for nazism and Adolf Hitler, this module just seems too appealing to be missed. And of cos, the allure of dictators is too strong to resist. The thing is I'm a Political Science Major and PS modules come first, despite not having much interest in Theories of IR, I have to take this. Plus another 2 PS modules that seems to be modules that I can't miss, I might yet miss the chance to take Dictators of Europe. Let's hope I can choose the modules I want bah, for with pride only to fight for, its time that I ease that unnecessary burden on myself and truely enjoy what is my last year of undergraduate life.

Moving on from here, I need to pick myself up and focus on new challenges. Time to concentrate on the Graduate Management Admissions Test that top ministries and big MNCs use in their review of job applications. Time to convince myself that I have the time and the required effort to take a third language? And by that, I don't mean conversational level, but really effectively proficient in it..and yet, I don't like the idea of overloading myself and the thing wih language especially new ones, its that you need consistent effort to stay proficient in it...

Dreams are sweet because they never come true. Could this happen to my dream of joining Ministry of Foreign Affairs too?

(Update- Thanks Dr Kripa for giving me that full A grade that I have always been striving to achieve for a PS module.A welcome relief from the usual one step too far A- grade that I have been getting for PS modules that I am confident for. You did not kill me, I'm so suprised. Probably, the ingenuity of my answers and the consistent work done throughout the sem made up for an exam where for the first time, everything that I spotted and focused on was not amongst the questions. And for that, I'm glad.)

24.

* The following post contains lots of grammatical n vocab. errors that the writer can't be bothered to correct considering that he has homework to do.*

I turned 24 on last saturday, the last year where one can claim that he is in his early 20s le. I am not really a 'birthday' kind of person, preferring solitude more than company at times or just meeting a few close friends on the day itself or the days surrounding it. This birthday is rather unique and special for many reasons.

The Prelude

A very early suprise birthday celebration by Roy, Karen and Pangwei. I was expecting to celebrate Karen's belated birthday with a simple dinner and chilling out on wednesday night after work and found out that I had a rather pleasant surprise that the three of them actually bought polar tarts with candles to help me celebrate an early b'day(considering that Roy n Karen went to gentings on my b'day, they must be guilty to not be able to be around so to be so nice bah)..haha..With Roy and Pangwei, the feeling's a bit like family le, just something simple will do, with old friends like this(n yes, hardy,so sorry I could not make it for lunch on sat becos I was working)..you just feel so at home with them that the fact you can say anything n everything makes that nite of relaxation so enjoyable that the celebration whatever the style is secondary as compared to the company.

The Eve

On friday, meeting the NUS PA internship mates(14 in total) for an informal sharing session aka dinner led to half of us going for a drinking and chilling out session at paulauners on saturday. The funny thing is how all of us actually click off so swiftly despite this meeting been the 1st or 2nd time that we see and really interact with each other. Maybe its Peilin's entertainment ability, maybe its Michelle's photo-whoring, maybe its just everyone on almost the same wavelength, enjoying the atmosphere and the nice beer. Starting my birthday on a high on alcohol is perhaps expected but to spend the first few hours of my birthday with a new group of people is certainly totally unexpected.

The Actual day

High, flushed with smses from many of my friends whom I treasured greatly, I reached home to an even sweeter surprise. Juliet sang me a birthday song twice over the phone, after much cajoling. This was the first time someone sang me a birthday song over the phone and this gesture is much appreciated.

Waking up to a slight hangover and to work on my birthday(another first time) is not exactly my ideal plan to spend my birthday. But, it turned out to be a really enjoyable workday, with the MP coming over to our table during the forum and engaged us in an intriguing conversation. Interesting? You betcha..! I'm actually pretty impressed at some of the insights that the MP pointed out and of course, I did hold on strongly and tried to defend some of the beliefs that ran contrary to his viewpoints.

After work, the tiredness got to me and I decided to spend the rest of my birthday at home with my family and one eye on the Manchester United match at night. Yes, was left disappointed, probably dampened my birthday mood a bit. Oh well, the least, Manchester United did was not to lose on my birthday but 30 mins after my birthday ended.

The aftermath

Just got back home an hour ago from dinner with Yixian, Shuyi and Edwin. Had a belated birthday dinner with them at CCK. Yes, Yixian, the food was really nice and your room really lives up to its reputation(lol, :p). Never really expected us to get to know each other better, christianty? Church? Probably, Thanks for the surprise soap and the christian songs, its really much appreciated. The christian songs will come in especially handy with all the thoughts and self reflections that I have been doing these days.(probably, resulting in this incoherent blog entry and the numerous times when writer's blocks struck and I just can't pen down my thoughts).

Her

The 3 month plus absence of contact broke with 2 birthday sms from her, near midnite and in the evening on the actual day. I knew she will remember my birthday and I was actually half expecting her to sms me. Probably, the happiest thing that happened to me on my birthday was the fact that she's more stable now than in the past. I know after the few sms-es exchanges, we are going to revert back to the status of strangers. But what kind of strangers will actually remember each other's birthdays? Aug 5th, probably the date that this absence of contact will be broken again for that will be my turn to message her happy birthday and maybe pick up the pieces again and be friends again. These 3 months interlude has been beneficial in my recovery. It has been 2 months plus since I last blogged abt. her....the pain and the hurt are not felt much anymore and the memory of such feelings are getting more and more distant. While waiting for Yixian and Shuyi at CCK mrt stn today, I had these very weird feeling, this is so near her house, will I get to meet her by surprise? How will I react? Do I want to see her..? Probably, its a complicated feeling of just wanting to see her again to perhaps visualize that she's fine and surviving well and the reminder of the hurt and the long struggle to get back to normalcy makes it such an incoherent inner struggling..thank God that my friends appeared 15 mins later..to stop me from having those unneccessary thoughts that are really redundant.

24 and counting

24 sounds old. Age does not represent maturity. Yet, I have grown so much since 23 flashes past with a glimpse of an eye. The quest and defeat in my first class honours dream, internship with Nexus, mentorship with Reach, the temporal brush with christianty, her, her, her, her.......

May this last lap of the early 20s bring about more happiness and satisfaction. I never ever want to be vulnerable again, I had enough of vulnerability, of been hurt..probably, the scars haven't healed yet, probably, the channeling of energy towards making more friends and concentrating on tangible goals such as another testimonial, enjoying my last year in school and laughter and fun with friends are more important than the senseless and dangerous thing called love.

Thank you, Dr Kripa

DR SRIDHARAN, KRIPA is leaving her teaching position in NUS. :(

Sighz, I would not have known if not for her mass e-mail to us. I feel a tinge of sadness that she's leaving NUS even though I was pretty sure that she will not be teaching any honours year modules and thus, the chances of me learning from her lessons are pretty slim even if she have stayed...

She's one of my favorite PS Profs, ok, in case some of you are wondering I have three favorite Profs within the political science department( Dr Alan Chong, Dr Kenneth Paul Tan and Dr Kripa). My whole experience with political science begins with her and Dr Kenneth teaching me PS1101E, Introduction to Political Science. The module was a tad dry and technical as it tried to cover all the fields of political science yet I was blessed with a teacher like her in my first sem in NUS. Its a double blessing considering that Dr. Kenneth took half of the module with her. Her teaching style is not just effective but clear and pleasant with a sprinkling of jokes here and there, making the mood of her lectures always light and conducive.

My liking for her grew when I took foreign policy and diplomacy module under her care in my 2nd sem in NUS. My 2nd PS module and only PS module that sem and she opened up my world and interest into the intricacies and wonders of International Relations. Furthermore, I have her as my tutor in this sem which resulted in me having one of the most enjoyable PS tutorials ever in NUS. That semester was also a litmus test for me, whether to pursue History or Political Science as my major. She was one of the factors that pushed me into the world of Political Science and developing an insatiable desire to learn about international relations.

I was really disappointed with MM replacing her in teaching International Conflict Analysis as I'm sure that I will learn so much more with Dr. Kripa teaching the module. My desire to take South Asia module was because of the IR segment and her teaching the module and she did not disappoint. Her tutorials were still very enjoyable though the presentations was a real drag, I prefer her presentations-free tutorials that I have in FPD.

Actually, she killed me in my South Asia exam this sem, excluding the entire IR segment, 3 full lectures on it and my favorite country Sri Lanka(the only country to be excluded in the essay component) made much of my efforts go down the drains. Probably, I won't do well for this exam. Me and my friends were quite surprised that she actually played a stunt like this for the exam. haha, 'so not like Kripa' was the general sentiment felt. Despite the possibility of faring below expectations for the exam, my liking for her did not dissipate.

I sent her an e-mail before writing this blog entry, a short e-mail to thank her for the wonderful learning experience. This is actually the first time I did something like that since pri sch(i think). I'm actually surprised at the feeling of disappointment that instantaneously struck me when I saw the e-mail that she's leaving. Perhaps, the disappointment of not having her as a potential Honours Thesis Supervisor(only Dr Alan Chong left on the list, sighz) contributed to the feeling of the disappointment felt.

Dr Kripa, you have left an indelible imprint on my university education. :)

A beautiful bride indeed.

Isn't she beautiful? She looks like an angel! :)

Ok, this sounds himbotic and yah, obession hor like Fatma's obsession with il divo, kaka, inzaghi, etc etc etc...lol(excuse me for dragging you in, haha). But hey, this is my way of destressing- its 7am and I just finished mugging for the day with lots of material to be covered when I wake up...

My Happy Ending

She rocks, doesn't she? :)

An insightful take on the repercussions of the Virginia Tech Shootings

What May Come: Asian Americans and the Virginia Tech Shootings

Tamara K. Nopper
April 17, 2007

Like many, I was glued to the television news yesterday, keeping updated about the horrific shootings at Virginia Tech University. I was trying to deal with my own disgust and sadness, especially since my professional life as a graduate student and college instructor is tied to universities. And then the other shoe dropped. I found out from a friend that the news channel she was watching had reported the shooter as Asian. It has now been reported, after much confusion, that the shooter is Cho Seung-Hui, a South Korean immigrant and Virginia Tech student.

As an Asian American woman, I am keenly aware that Asians are about to become a popular media topic if not the victims of physical backlash. Rarely have we gotten as much attention in the past fifteen years, except, perhaps, during the 1992 Los Angeles Riots. Since then Asians are seldom seen in the media except when one of us wins a golfing match, Woody Allen has sex, or Angelina Jolie adopts a kid.

I am not looking forward to the onslaught of media attention. If history truly does have clues about what will come, there may be several different ways we as Asian Americans will be talked about.

One, we will watch white media pundits and perhaps even sociologists explain what they understand as an “Asian” way of being. They will talk about how Asian males presumably have fragile “egos” and therefore are culturally prone to engage in kamikaze style violence. These statements will be embedded with racist tropes about Japanese military fighters during WWII or the Viet Cong—the crazy, calculating, and hidden Asian man who will fight to the death over presumably nothing.

In the process, the white media might actually ask Asian Americans our perspectives for a change. We will probably be expected to apologize in some way for the behavior of another Asian—something whites never have to collectively do when one of theirs engages in (mass) violence, which is often. And then some of us might succumb to the Orientalist logic of the media by eagerly promoting Asian Americans as real Americans and therefore unlike Asians overseas who presumably engage in culturally reprehensible behavior. In other words, if we get to talk at all, Asian Americans will be expected to interpret, explain, and distance themselves from other Asians just to get airtime.

Or perhaps the media will take the color-blind approach instead of a strictly eugenic one. The media might try to whitewash the situation and treat Cho as just another alienated middle-class suburban kid. In some ways this is already happening—hence the constant referrals to the proximity of the shootings to the 8th anniversary of the Columbine killings. The media will repeat over and over words from a letter that Cho left behind speaking of “rich kids,” and “deceitful charlatans.” They will ask what’s going on in middle-class communities that encourage this type of violence. In the process they may never talk about the dirty little secret about middle-class assimilation: for non-whites, it does not always prevent racial alienation, rage, or depression. This may be surprising given that we are bombarded with constant images suggesting that racial harmony will exist once we are all middle-class. But for many of us who have achieved middle-class life, even if we may not openly admit it, alienation does not stop if you are not white.

But the white media, being as tricky as it is, may probably talk about Cho in ways that reflect a combination of both traditional eugenic and colorblind approaches. They will emphasize Cho’s ethnicity and economic background by wondering what would set off a hard-working, quiet, South Korean immigrant from a middle-class dry-cleaner- owning family. They will wonder why Cho would commit such acts of violence, which we expect from Middle Easterners and Muslims and those crazy Asians from overseas, but not from hard-working South Korean immigrants. They will promote Cho as “the model minority” who suddenly, for no reason, went crazy. Whereas eugenic approaches depicting Asians as crazy kamikazes or Viet Cong mercenaries emphasize Asian violence, the eugenic aspect of the model minority myth suggests that there is something about Asian Americans that makes them less prone to expressions of anger, rage, violence, or criminality. Indeed, we are not even seen as having legitimate reasons to have anger, let alone rage, hence the need to figure out what made this “quiet” student “snap.”

Given that the model minority myth is a white racist invention that elevates Asians over minority groups, Cho will be dissected as an anomaly among South Koreans who “are not prone” to violence—unlike Blacks who are racistly viewed as inherently violent or South Asians, Middle Easterners and Muslims who are viewed as potential terrorists. He will be talked about as acting “out of character” from the other “good South Koreans” who come here and quietly and dutifully work towards the American dream. Operating behind the scenes of course is a diplomatic relationship between the US and South Korea forged through bombs and military zones during the Korean War and expressed through the new free trade agreement negotiations between the countries. Indeed, even as South Korean diplomats express concern about racial backlash against Asians, they are quick to disown Cho in order to maintain the image of the respectable South Korean.

Whatever happens, Cho will become whoever the white media wants him to be and for whatever political platform it and legislators want to push. In the process, Asian Americans will, like other non-whites, be picked apart, dissected, and theorized by whites. As such, this is no different than any other day for Asian Americans. Only this time an Asian face will be on every television screen, internet search engine, and newspaper.

Tamara K. Nopper is an educator, writer, and activist living in Philadelphia. She is currently finishing her PhD program in sociology at Temple University and is a volunteer with the Central Committee for Conscientious Objectors, an anti-war and counter-military recruitment organization (www.objector.org). She can be reached at tnopper@yahoo.com.

Insightful, thought-provoking and probably a realist take on reality. Let's hope sensitivity and rationality prevails over this sad unfortunate shooting incident.

Suddenly, Mcluhan's medium theory is not that unconvincing...the medium can be the message.

A magical European night(110407)

Bring on AC Milan!

A must-read article from our dearest Prof.

POST THIS ARTICLE ON YOUR BLOG TO INCREASE READERSHIP( a call to increase people's awareness of a constructive alternative voice- inspired by a suggestion from Fatma. :p)

Ministers' salary increase: Can it be delayed until there is more public consultation?

THE views expressed so far on this difficult issue rightly deserve attention, even as Singaporeans await the Government's presentation of its case in Parliament next week.
Given the unhappiness, it is hoped that the Government will do more to soothe this feeling during the Parliament sitting, and address this issue beyond the offer of relevant statistics and other pragmatic arguments.

This issue is not new. So too the attendant shock that many Singaporeans react to when this pay scheme was publicly goaded in the early 1990s and hotly debated in Parliament in 1995.
Let us recap the two sides of the argument. To the Government, we are fooling ourselves if we want to lure top talents but refuse to pay them top salaries, and that moral counter-points must give way to pragmatic ones.

The cost of living, the competitiveness of the market place in a global economy, the high standards of integrity and performance expected of ministers and the equally high cost to their private lives are imperatives that must be taken into account.

MM Lee even once argued that 'moral values on pay are good only for textbooks on socialism and political tracts on social justice'.

However, to many Singaporeans, other factors must be given consideration. To begin with, is it right to compare jobs in the public and private sectors since there are obvious fundamental differences between the two?

Secondly, while many have no problem with raising ministerial salaries as a matter of principle, the quantum of the raise seems to be unduly high, making our Cabinet ministers among the most highly paid in the world.

Thirdly, while we must credit the political leadership for securing Singapore a sterling economic position in the world - our Republic's GDP growth rate and foreign reserves are among the highest in the world - such a remarkable achievement could not have been attained without the contributions and sacrifices of an equally productive workforce.

Finally, this increase of ministerial salaries may convey the wrong signal that money is actually the bottomline, even in such a nationally important issue of political contribution and service.
What about other redeeming intangibles such as honour and sense of duty, dedication, passion and commitment, loyalty and service?

It may be difficult for many to believe that the talent pool is so small and that the able are so money-minded that the best way to get them to come forward is to give them more money.
Hopefully, the Government will do more to appease this unhappiness. What about delaying this proposed increase until more public consultation is done and a better way of compensating the ministers and senior civil servants be found?

Otherwise, many Singaporeans will feel the sheer helplessness that however unhappy they are about matters that are close to their hearts they will have little chance to be redressed, both outside Parliament and inside - and this is not good for Singapore's future.

Dr Hussin Mutalib

Source- Straits Times Forum April 6 2007 Online Story

I just had to share this letter written to Straits Times Forum by our dearest PS Prof, Dr Hussin Mutalib for his upfront and sincere views about the recent Ministers'/ Senior Civil Servants' pay increase saga and I bet his letter is very easy to miss. Have anyone wondered why it is not published on the printed version of ST? I guess the answer is too obvious and politically insensitive to spell out but we all know don't we.(if don't know private-message me, shhhh, don't too loud, k, sensitive, 'fear factor' you see) Oh well, constructive voices like Dr Mutalib should be heard and discussed more broadly even if it borders on opposition because regardless of your stand on it, the need for sensible, rational alternative voices should not just be heard but celebrated.

Oh, my stand on this whole issue?! I can't say...its politically sensitive, OB markers!!! omg..SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....

Underachievement

Underachievement is a sin. It is a very bitter pill. To not meet one's potential because he/she did not try hard enough is just wrong. Failure via this manner is really a pity and cannot be forgiven. However, ain't everyone guilty of that at some point in life? For me, I am facing a constant problem, the problem of contentment. It is such a recurring theme in my life story, with regards to my goals in life..and its all encapsulated in the philosophy I had held dearly since jc,

'Aim for the moon, drop amongst the stars.' Why am I always on the stars?? This question keep popping in my mind. Am I supposed to be realistic and settle for 2nd best all my life? Maybe my moon is so elusive because I have followed the thinking that the sky is the limit for quite some time in the process of charting my goals and sticking to them. A 2nd upper can be a satisfactory outcome for many people or even bring much happiness but for me, the failure to get a 1st Class is starting to haunt me. I can't say that I deserve it fully because I'm not really a hardcore mugger(mugger yes, hardcore no). With the exception of last semester, I feel that the amount of effort I put in should have translated into the results that I deserved..so... it has not proven to be the case.......

Internship hunting season this time round provided me with a torrid time. It served as such a major contrast to last year where I faced relatively lesser problems in getting an internship I wanted with the ultra elitist SIP programme( 5 out of 8 of my presentation mates were in the first class honours range). This time round, it has not been smooth sailing and I have certainly been demoralised in the hunt with rejection letters and no-replies. Getting an internship offer at the start of the month provided me with more relief than joy.

Sure, the sky is the limit. One of life's most valuable lessons starts from infancy, one learns how to stand, walk, run and finally fly(metaphorically). It has indeed been a humbling experience, when one's achievements fall short of his expectations. I shall try to learn as much as I can, pursue my dreams, take failures into my stride and strive to have a life that I always wanted.

Thoughts arising from solitude

The mad rush for deadlines ended on monday, after 3 weekends burnt, lots of stress and pressure from my expectations of my work and the mundane neccesity to just get things done, I finally had time to reward myself with some me time. That kind of guilt-free feeling of slacking..I thought my brain needed a break..or so I thought..my brain actually went into overdrive again after some blog surfing, movie watching(3 movies in the span of 2 days), tv watching, listening to songs and chatting....(you just can't keep a brain from blanking out can you..not after the compulsory blanking out that it routinely went through like 2 months ago)...

Sex is Zero and my friend's short stories got me thinking...is this just a period that I got tired of idealistic love, do I really need to learn the rules of the game..? Have I really lost faith in the meaning of sincerity..or am i even clear of the concept of it in the first place..? What exactly is love..let alone true love..? Happy endings are looking more n more like cliches in movies and stories... am i just jaded..or to put it in a ps way..turned into a realist..?

The Last King of Scotland and Sophie Scholl, The Final Days( I am such a sucker for NAZI-related movie, love this to the core again) also got me in really deep thoughts. The allure, charms, lures of dictatorships/totalitarian regimes and I can totally understand why people can get lost in the moment of heat and passion and become irrational with all the pomp and glamour of such regimes...

While Sophie Scholl and the White Rose earned not just respect, admiration, recognition and become martyrs in their own right.. for their quest for conscience, for freedom, to die for an idea is really noble and ought to be applauded(to say the least)...the ugly side of idealism is portrayed so vividly in The Last King of Scotland whereby idealism when misguided could not just lead to the loss of one's own life but the disillusionment and the pain of supporting a wrong cause...

Idealism is like a fire, it sustains a person yet to be too obsessed with it risks an unneccessary engulfment while love is just........beyond rational comprehension...

Generation X cartoons!!!!

I know, I know, its just another ploy by the commercial world to earn my money.

I know, I know, hollywood, the epitome of American soft power is trying to propagate its influence again.(ok, that may be pushing it too far..)

I know, I know, I'm not a kid anymore...........................BUT.................................................................

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm feeling so nostalgic and so so so excited about the upcoming movie version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!!!! Just reading about the movie review brings back so much sweet sweet sweetest memories of my childhood!!! COWABUNGA!!!! Turtle Power!!! lol..Suddenly, I feel like a kid again.

To top it off, Transformers and Alvin and the Chipmunks will be out this year!!!!!!!!!!!!(Excluded the Simpsons making their entrance to the big scene finally because its themes are quite adultlike in nature, lol). They are also going to give the Smurfs a 21st century makeover next year!!! Maybe, maybe, if they really make film versions of GI Joe, Care Bears and He-Man in the near future, I will definitely catch it lah..

Yes, hollywood, thanks for catering to the Gen-X audience again. Even brillant cartoon movies such like Finding Nemo and Shrek just don't evoke that much excitement and interest in us. Do take note of our spending power. Don't let classic 80s cartoons be consigned to history!