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When something really matters, your expectations get heightened ten-fold and the pressures become insurmountable. Or so it seems, I seemed to be stuck in the mindset that dreams are so sweet because they can't come true. I seem to be quietly confident of my assets and my strengths yet painfully aware of my limitations. My limitations seems to ensure that I will not get the coveted goals that I so desperately want and dream of. Yet, without bragging, I always manages to get the next best choice avaliable. To another person, what I possesses now, what I have experienced, what I have gotten in life so far may already provide them with much satisfaction and perhaps even joy. Yet, to me, this just seems to be inadequate. No, I am not aiming for the sky, I am painfully reminded by my own perfectionist tendencies that I am not reaching my potential. To not reach my own potential is indeed a very sucky feeling.
Potential, what a scary thing. It creates unrealistic expectations and daunting challenges. Yet, it may lull some into complacency. Some even used 'potential' as a means to pacify themselves for their inept results so far. If potential becomes an excuse for one not meeting their goals, then I must say quit telling me about your potential and start showing me your results. Or at least, your best efforts, as long as you try your best, you can't go too wrong in life. Whether you are contented with the end result is an another matter altogether.
Today, I was struck down by a flu, a headache and a very serious insomnia that made me decide to back down from taking a step nearer to that coveted dream of mine. The possibility of failing and flopping today was just too high. And, I know, if I backed down this time round, after I recover from my sickness,try to have a good night's sleep and pep myself up mentally for this challenge, I will be able to meet my potential. Or at least, be in the optimum position to grab this challenge, give it my best shot and have no regrets. But, how many second chances appears in life? Especially when its with regards with something that you really want? Sometimes opportunities only arrive once in your lifetime and timing is the most essential thing. So I can only hope that this time round, I will get this second chance. If not, I'm not really freting over it as well, for ironically, I have expanded my options widely enough and feel assuredly confident that I will carve out my niche in another area(which arguably, I am actually more suitable for) than this dream that I have always coveted.
* Life is a journey with lots of twists and turns. Its ok to fail, just make sure you stand up again. :)