I'm down.

Why am I so vulnerable? Am I hurt that easily? Am I just a crazy idealist not capable of coping emotionally with rejection? Am I still a child when it comes to this aspect of my life? Have I not grown up? What is exactly wrong with me? I don't know...all I know is I'm hurt and I can't blame anyone except myself. Who says history doesn't repeat itself? Nice guys do finish last..I need to seriously ponder over what's wrong with me..For instance, why am I whining on a public mechanism such as a blog? Especially when none of my friends remember this blog or even know of it in the first place...I guess I do need a venue to just let my emotions go...Guys don't cry? Of cos, when we grow up, we can't cry..not in public at least, why? becos that's just not socially accepted..so..holed up in my room, in the privacy of my room..I cried..
Crying does make a person feel better. Crying releases the pent up emotions, the sudden surge of disappointment, the pain of the bursting of a bubble. Crying is a tool that I have not exploited for a long time. Yet, in this instance, I broke.
I'm just a loser.
I'm just a wimp.
I'm just a child.
I'm just a nobody.
If there was a saying that I grew to love recently, it is definitely Machiavelli's-

" I laugh, and my laughter is not within me;
I burn, and the burning is not seen outside."

I hope I can create this facade well, I hope I can at least pretend to be happy again. I hope that when I wake up, I can look at all this and say-'hey, move on dude, it aint that painful'. I hope...