Regrets...

Regrets..an inevitable reality of life. There are always going to be instances whereby a different decision may have chartered a totally different route in life...sometimes I ponder over the decisions taken, other times, I just keep putting them at the back of my mind, preferring to let time do its magic and lessen the agony and pain over it..time is a really lousy solution/cure/aid/medicine/drug though..

I had my fair share of hurt in my life but when I look back at my past..there will always be two girls in my life that I will always feel regret for...because I know I have caused them pain and hurt. One is of course, my ex., who had to deal with an immature egoistic prick(me,sighz..I was 14,what did u expect) and the other is X whom I met and knew in jc..I was slightly older by the time I was 17..yet I was still a confused immature individual who thinks he's over his ex. n yet so not over..sighz..I knew I hurt X badly..through my insensitive actions and decisions taken..my defence that I am still a boy doesn't even convince myself when it comes to X...I just can't seem to be able to reconcile my past..that I hurt two angels badly in my life..

With my ex., the dust has settled and she's happily married and we still meet a few times a year for movies, catching up n stuff..I no longer have romantic feelings towards her and our friendship has reached a new level..Its not that beautiful though..in this friendship, my ex. always has to make the effort to check on me,ask me whether I'm free n stuff..and I don't do likewise..sighz...financial constraint, a reluctance to be reminded of the past or just inherently anti-social and keen to stick to my own circle of friends..? I wonder...

With X..my apologies were never going to be enough to lessen the pain I caused her..I am still guilty at taking the easy way out and did the insensitive things that I did..she made efforts throughout the years to keep in touch too..yet I failed to reciprocate...she never got the reasons for my actions back in jc..until today..sighz..I thought she would hate me, I wish she would hate me..but she dont..sighz..she rendered me speechless for a while..and caused this mixture of feeling in me..guilt,sorrow and a tinge of sweetness..when I asked her, 'why are you so nice to me?' and she said, 'Becos I treasure you as a friend.'

I have to come to terms with my past with X..treasure her more and have this angel back in my life again. One thing I am sure of is that I do not want to hurt either angels ever again.

* Facing the past, dealing with the present and looking to the future..everything will be ok in the end. I seem to have quite a handful to ponder over..hmm..shall take as much time as I can afford bah..I want to be happy.