the last time

Ok..so my heart has officially died towards her..her letter made it so clear..since there's no hope,why bother clinging on it? I should have woken up long time ago..sure..I cried again..big crybaby..but yah..its time to wake up,its time to wake up..time to face reality again..no point..keep wallowing in self pity isn't it..why care so much for a person who hurt u time n time again..she have her boyfriend to turn to, she have her gd friends to turn to..I'm no substitute and I had enough of taking on the role of a life buoy,an alternative person to turn to..I HAD ENOUGH! that's it!~ I don't want to care anymore. Its been one month since I heard her voice, I know I miss her a hell lot, I still like her a lot, but yah...so what? Its not going to change anything..clinging on will only bring me so much more pain..time to move on man..time to wake up,smell the roses n fuck the whole world. I want my first class honours, I want to be happy again, I want to not wallow in self pity again..that just sucks..that's just not me...

Ok, that's it!~ I think reality will sink in and I might suffer from a hell lot of withdrawal syndrome with a real total clean break from her when I wake up the next day...so be it then..what's need to be done, need to be done..I need to be selfish...I must tell myself I don't want to care anymore, I don't need to care anymore, she's dispensible, she's forgettable..

Sighz...Reality checks never fail to hurt,ranting never fails to heal.

* On a rational note, she's a really nice gal and I don't regret anything I did regarding her..its time to wake up and embrace the new world though. The accumulated hurt has been too much..it finally overrides all joys.