The Office Party

I watched The Office Party with Louann today. While its not brillant, it was an ok-enough play for me. The ending can be a tad abrupt and anti-climatic too.

Realism seemed to be the dominant theme of this play though. I cannot feel a single tinge of idealism at all, which can be quite draining.

In particular, I can connect with this line, that Andy said twice in the show-
"Back to reality"

cognitations

Recently, my best friend, Andrew told me that he's impressed with me. For what I have achieved thus far- a good paying job and a car. Hardy, another very good friend of mine has also given me that nod of approval which was not easy to come by. While Hong has always held me in high regards, introducing me to his friends as, 'he was the reason why I survived nus'.

Andrew, Hardy and Hong. Three of my closest friends in my life. My estimate of their potential has always been sky high- in other words, the sky is the limit. They are all brillant in their own ways. People whom I don't just hope that they excel in life, but I know they will excel. Sometimes, I get more carried away, looking at their potential than mine, probing them to consider doing things this way or another way. But as with all brillant people, they are quite opinionated as well. With brillant people, you need to be more subtle in your approach when they start getting all irrational and overboard (yes, andrew, I'm referring to you especially). For the flaws present in every individual can condemn them to mediocrity, which is such a waste for these three men.

Frankly, I often ask myself this question, 'what is my potential in life?', 'how far can I go?' and 'when will i ever be satisfied?'. While I am still searching for answers to all these questions, that self-constructed myth-like belief in my capabilities has eroded. I know I am smarter, better than most of my peers, but I am not contented. Yet, I know that I should have no complaints. My potential at this point in life has brought about tangible rewards and probably the best possible scenario and I could not really ask for more. Asking for more to some is like not knowing how lucky you are. But, trust me, luck is never the vital ingredient to success, hard work and a focused mind is what matters most.

My awareness of my limitations has been heightened since I entered the working world. Limitations that I must overcome before I can go to the next level that I want to reach. To pursue my dreams and to become a better man. Yet, I wonder whether I have the energy and determination to overcome the limitations. Sometimes, inertia will sink in, comfort will lull you into complacency and defeats will sap your confidence. 'There is only so much a man can achieve', a saying that I heard in various renditions. I have been guilty of that too, succumbing to what 'fate' has attributed me to. But, they are not seeing the whole picture. Dreamers are the shakers and movers of this world. The realists are often reduced to maintaining the status quo.

I can sense how my thought process, goals in life and perspectives are undergoing rather not-so-subtle paradigm changes. The flawed fundamental assumptions that I had held on dearly in life has been exposed to their bones and proven to be fallacies that ought long to be corrected. Rather than an evolutionary process, the paradigm changes are coming at a rather rapid pace, not allowing me to catch a breather and be accustomed to changes. Yet I like the new me. Even if I don't know what I really want now. Even if my taste in women are changing beyond my utter control. Even if I cannot clearly articulate to myself or others why I am feeling the way I am feeling and what am I really trying to convey. I know, one day, all the pieces are going to fall nicely in place. No, I'm not been deterministic here, but I have faith in my abilities to embrace the necessary changes and to be clear about my objectives in life.

Perhaps, the greatest difficulty that I may have is to be realistic, stay rooted and yet aim for the sky. That balance is rather hard to achieve. 'More haste, less speed', the saying goes. If possible, I do not want the long winding road to end up in a dead end, but to take detours to reach that goal which will bring me to contentment. Yet, the pitfall seems to be the tendency to want more, after you have acheived something. 'more and more and more', when will this vicious cycle ends? Sometimes, I have no answers to that, other times, I get agonizingly close to achieving what I want and yet fell by the sidelines at the last moment. Perhaps, the moon is that illusion which I am always chasing, when the stars represent that tangible rewards where I should stop and give myself some credit for.

魏如昀, Queen

*Disclaimer: The author has tried his best not to sound like a teenager in this blog post, to no avail.

Not since Avril Lavigne have I gone gaga over a female singer.
But 魏如昀, Queen, she's just so special.
I finally managed to buy her new cd, 傻 today.
The last piece in the cd shop too!
How lucky! :)
She wrote 8 out of 10 songs in the cd too!
魏如昀, you are my Queen! :)



Is she hot or what? She's so close to perfection! :)

random

A deficit of confidence-
In my potential
In my capabilities
In my rational thoughts
In my dreams
In human nature
In this crazy world

Dreams-
Of achieving perfection
Of feeling contented
Of finding 'her'
Of seeing the world
Of attaining my goals
Of following my heart

Loves-
Driving at that moment when the sun sets
Having my flawed assumptions debunked
Talking to brillant people
Pursuing my coveted goals in life
Fulfilling my material desires
Simple acts of kindness

Hates-
Getting so lost in the wilderness
Racist bigots and arrogant fools
The monotony of routine
Addictions that don't go away
Needing to settle for second best
Failing in your forte

results

Hong got A+, A, B+ for his three modules in his first trimester in NTU-RSIS!!

yay, dude, I'm so proud of you! :)

Sometimes, the most heartwarming form of happiness is to witness your friends achieve something they have worked hard for.

That sense of unbridled joy, arising more out of hope than expectations is something that I cannot really put into words.

Thank you, Prof Alan Chong

Meeting up with Prof Alan Chong on friday brought back lots of memories of my undergraduate years in political science.

The young academically-inclined ah beng who seldom missed any of his lessons, but an anomaly where good students should look their part.

The overly-eager student who loves to shoot questions at presentations and think that the world is his oyster and the overly-emotional presenter who can get too serious over a class presentation.

That idealism and the craving for knowledge, where getting lost in that intellectual maze is actually seen as fun and challenging.

Prof Alan Chong, Thanks for the advices on friday. The three words which you peppered in your lectures, 'think about it' will be a mantra that I hold dearly to. And, thanks again for making me feel that the world is my oyster. Idealism should not be overwhelmed by the realities of life. And, I am just too young to be stuck in the rat race.

I am still a dreamer. :)

Avenue Q

Avenue Q was fantastic. Haven't seen such a good play since Sound of Music. I think I am falling in love with musicals. Out of the varied repertoire of songs, I felt the strongest sense of connection with this song-




There's A Fine Fine Line

Kate Monster:
There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

photo

Its rare to see photos on my blog, but I kinda like this photo taken at Brewerkz on Louanne's birthday before adjourning to Velvet. Thanks Hong for tagging the photo to me on Facebook. This is another instance where I will have a strong desire to join Facebook. Maybe I will.....sometime in future. (just to stay in contact with my friends and get access to all the other photos of me in my friends' facebook accounts, ahh, the pervasive influence of new media...)

Oh btw, the pretty girl in the picture is Louann and the guy is Hong whom I have mentioned quite a bit on this blog.

senseless

Have you ever wonder whether you have reached your potential?

Have you ever doubted yourself?

Maybe, just maybe you are just not good enough.

Or maybe you lost that desire to fight.

Or you get lost in that maze.

Argh, this is my forte.

Prove it.

Prove it to yourself that you can do it.

Prove it man, Prove it.

Nothing can tear you down.

Just as long as you put in your best.

So, put in your best, dude.

What happened to that fire?

Extinguished by your past failures?

Why are you always so harsh on yourself?

Have you given up on your dreams?

What am I doing?

That sense of defeat is unwarranted.

Where is the comfort zone?

Why ain't the words flowing?

What happened?





I will fight on.
I will not give up.
I will excel.
My dreams will come true.
My potential will not go unrealized.
I will succeed.
I will.

JBJ

You know someone matters when you are immediately saddened by his death.
He's an icon, a fighter who doesn't know the meaning of giving up.
The dogged refusal to conform to the system,
The passion, vigour and tireless energy level,
Leaving an indelible mark in the history books.

You will not be forgotten.

Thanks for everything.

Rest In Peace.

Jordan

Jordan, you live on forever! An inspiration to all out there! A legend indeed!

Thanks Andrew for sharing this video!

a short update

3 months into work.
A farmer on an elitist scheme?
Nah, I don't feel that way anymore.
Slowly, I'm getting used to working and mingling with the most brillant minds around.
But, yes, still very much overwhelmed by the sheer challenges of my work.
Exciting times, tough challenges and still looking to carve out a niche and excel.
I will reach the top one day, I will.

About 1 month into driving.
The flexibility, the sheer convenience of it all.
That sense of achievement where I can call this car, mine.
That adrenaline rush.
And of course, the feeling that I'm financially independent.
It does feel good.

today

Happy Birthday, stranger! :)

oxymoron

Happy. You know, that smile of satisfaction from work, the end of a long week and the start of a good friday of chilling and a short but sweet weekend to rest. And that familiar melodramatic feel swoops in, to temper my joyous mood, that long lost feeling of missing someone, that stranger who ceases to exist in my life anymore.I'm just happy that I have people around me to keep me sane and people around me who knows me to bits.

I know I'm crazy. But, after that brief melodramatic feeling, the knowledge that I'm still in control, that the fleeting feeling will probably pass by after that sensitive date, everything seems to be well again.

I'm fine. The drinking session later will sober me up further. For I'm enjoying a yuppie's life. And putting the past behind me, really soon...(sneak attacks like this occur once in a blue moon, and may just increase in frequency for that few more days.)

reality

A thousand and one things on my mind.
My brain is overworked and over-used.
Yet, my heart seems to dictate my actions and my feelings.
The rational considerations just do not stand up to scrutiny.

Refusing to acknowledge the hurt and pain experienced in the past.
Unwilling to concede that the dream has ended.
Reveling in the idea of limitless possibilities.
Yet, fearing the consequences of failure and defeat.

Ahh, the myriad of issues.
The past, the present and the future.
Unknowns, that intriguing element.
Idealism, the undying contradiction in this reluctant realist.

survey

Since Charles is so interested in my answers and i being the only unfortunate soul to have been tagged by him to do this questionaire(indirectly or not), I shall be nice and do it....

THE RULES: People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves. Tag 8 people. Those who are tagged cannot refuse. You cannot tag the person who tagged you. Continue this game by sending this to 8 other people.


At what age do you wish to marry?
33, when I have enough fun as a yuppie.


What's your favourite pet?
Dogs will be nice. Especially a dog like Mocha(Hong's dog)who turns round and round and round and round and round.......



-Cutest dog alive ever

Have you ever shoplifted?
Yup, when I was in primary school. The usual lor-rubbers, sweets.(But occasionally lah)

What country do you wish to go to right now?
England(Manchester area)- Old Trafford is the dream destination. But, probably I will make a trip to Japan first. Heard so much abt. it....

What are your favourite movies?
NAZI-theme movies(Downfall, Rise of evil, NAPOLA), PS.I Love You, Love Actually, Lord of the Rings....etc etc etc

When you encounter a sad moment, what do you do?
To be alone, think through it over a smoke or two and then talk to close friends about it.

If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Go study for a PHD.

What can you say about death?
End of a journey. I want to not exist in the form of soul when I die. Hopefully, everything ends with death.

What's your favourite holiday?
When you don't have any outstanding work to clear.


How do you cope with boredom?
Find something interesting to do lor, dots. Drinking? Movies? Reading? A hundred and one things to do.

Do you wanna go to heaven?
No. I believe it will be boring. But if I have to make a choice between heaven and hell, heaven of course is the logical choice.

Do you love designers' bags?
Yes, they are designers' bags for a reason.(But, I'm not infatuated of cos.)

If you have one wish, what would you wish for?
World peace.(I hate it when world peace can never ever be achieved by limited homo sapiens like you and me.)

Do you smoke on a regular basis?
Yes. I do. Go on, judge me, I don't care.

Do you believe that dreams do come true?
I'm a realist. But, yes, dreams can come true.

What's your favorite colors?
Black.

What's your favorite ice cream flavors?
Green tea.

What are the first 5 things you do after waking up?
1. look at handphone
2. put on glasses
3. smoke.
4. brush teeth
5. cleanse face

What do you do during rainy days?
I stay indoors.

What's your favorite fairytale?
Cinderella.

little things

Sometimes, little things can perk your life up and this is one instance-

Meiling sms-ing me that she is going to attend commencement in july. :)
Now that Hong can't make it for commencement in july, this is indeed the best news ever. Hong, I expect you to turn up though as I will turn up for your graduation as a Masters student in RSIS.(which is another piece of good news, Hong is going to terrorize RSIS. pun intended-in case any organization is monitoring this website,argh, i'm getting sooo paranoid. lol)

certainty

All the uncertainties are over.

My class of honours is confirmed. A 2nd Upper class of honours. No more needless battles. No more half-hearted attempts. No more.

A job. A job that I think I can excel in. A job that pays me so well that I can really enjoy a yuppies' life. A job that I am looking forward to.

At peace. I know what I want and I have the plans in place. Everything seems to just fit. I have no need for a ranting space anymore. That space which some has used to judge me as emo and weak(even). But, instead of declaring the death of this blog, I shall attempt to give it a rebirth- 'Reflections'.

Now, I am just going to enjoy the remaining days of my holiday before I start work and begin my transition to a yuppies' life! Yes, i'm going to be a YUPPIE, not a rat(like some of you are saying, lol).

ps. that doesn't mean I won't use this space to rant anymore. :p

CHAMPIONS

WE WON! WE WON!!! WE WON!!!!! LOL!!! We did the DOUBLE! We are the Champions of England and Europe!!! OMG, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!


Words don't do justice to the feelings felt. Euphoria. Tears streaming down my cheeks when Edwin saved the penalty from Anelka. Despair, acute painful despair struck when Ronaldo, our best player for the season missed his penalty. Thoughts of 'Its just not meant to be' seeped into the mind. Then up stepped John Terry, the captain of Chelsea, the leader, the one epitomizing Chelsea(which i think is crap, anyway, lol) and he slipped and MISSED!!! AND omg, what a miss! what a slip! Instantly, every man u fans' hearts were filled with hope again. Sorry, we can't sympathize with you. We just wanted you to miss and you did! Lalalala.

Tears of joys. Our third Champions league trophy in history! 9 years since that magical Champions league final in 1999. We thought nothing can beat or even rival that win. That win which we won by scoring 2 goals in 3 mins of extra time, that goal which brought us Sir Alex first Champions league trophy!! Yes! Yes! Yes! 3 European Champions League win and 17 league titles!! We are on our way to becoming the most successful team in England!

Glory Glory Man United! Glory Glory Man United! and the Reds go marching on!!!!

25.

25. Mid 20s. A quarter century old.

I can no longer claim to be in my early 20s. 25 seems to be the start of another chapter in life. Similiar to 18, where national service beckons and 21, where university life begins. Looking back at the chapter that just closed, I managed a faint smile of satisfaction. It was a rollercoaster ride (however abused this term is)-

Familial wise- my dad's cancer(recovered le) and bike accident took the cake. My close uncle's death and my female cousin's marital problems added on to the anguish felt. Importantly, the ripples did not cause me to break down but actually toughen me up(especially with two of the events happening in the midst of my exams, it was really a test of how I would react in times of adversity-ok, andrew, will cut down on the melodramatic effect. haha)

Friends wise- Knowing Hong, Meiling, Zheyuan and Heyi was the best thing that happened in my varsity life. The trio's graduation a year ago and the inevitable separation from Hong in terms of modules taking has rendered my honours year less exciting than the previous three years. Perhaps, that softened the impact of my graduation and leaving this santuary of school. Of course, other friends such as Nabilla, Fatma, Wanrong, Peishan, Min Li and Yixian also added on to life in the rather protective environment of school. I can go on naming the friends that contributed in their own way to this chapter of my life but this ain't exactly a thank you speech blog entry. :p

School wise- I didn't get my first class honours. A 2nd Upper(baring a major disaster) is still a scant consolation. But oh well, nonetheless, the decision to major in political science instead of history was the hardest decision ever in my academic life. For history was what I have always deemed as my first love, my forte. Yet, political science had all the glam to it. LOL, of cos I aint that himbo. A combination of factors, good professors taking the exposure modules, the allures of international relations and current affairs lured me in. Along the way, I had my fingers burned here n there by different profs. Sometimes, I do think that I don't deserve the grade that some of my profs awarded me. Not a true reflection of my brillance and hard work. :p But overall, I am just thankful for the brillance of my profs who was able to open up my mind sufficiently and expose me to so much knowledge that I realize what I know is so little. This is not the end though, for I will definitely return to school(probably not nus) for my masters.

Personal growth wise- A sprinkling of ccas in nus, mentorship with mcys feedback unit, internships with mindef nexus and people's association-woodlands CO has allowed my CV to be presentable. The testimonials and the generous assistance rendered by my mentor who is willing to be my referee in my job applications allows me to 'sell' myself to my prospective employers. More importantly is not the CV or even the 'selling', but that added perspective which these experiences has imbued me with. I had a lot of good mentors too who was willing to guide me- an undergraduate who's obviously booksmart but not really 'street-smart'(IN THE PAST, not now), who's patient with me and who's willing to go beyond their duty to actually share life lessons with me. Mr Toh, Mr Ho, Victor(don't know whether you will read this blog entry :p) and Ms Sherlene Tan, it has really been a blessing to be able to learn from all of you. Thanks. :)

Relationships/Emotions wise- I was a boy. Besides the occasional, harmless crushes, I had one of my worst fall into that emotional abyss. But, somehow, through that experience, I dare say, I am no longer a boy but a man. LOL, at 25, I don't think anyone will begrudge me for saying that. Yes, age does not represent emotional maturity but the ardous process of finding yourself after you lost it sure brought about emotional growth.

So, a brief recap of that last chapter of life which is closing(with the release of results at the end of may and graduation ceremony in july), I look forward to the opening of the next chapter in life which I have loosely demacarte into the period of 25-30 and given the nice name of-the YUPPIES life. woooooo...lol.

Plans- I have made so many plans for the future that it seems that I am not leaving much room to surprises (yes, Clausewitz, I am not disagreeing with your centrality of the element of chance which can override everything). In this rather uncertain times, I feel at peace actually. I have plan A, plan B, contingency plans, etc, etc. I never thought I am such a planner. :p More or less, I am going to be a civil/public servant who may be going for a masters either during this chapter or in the beginning of my next chapter in life. Trying my best to get a job related to international relations is the job scope of my preferred career and I may still try for MFA in the foreseeable future(especially if I don't get a job which I deemed to be challenging and engaging enough to build my career on).

Personal growth- I have made up my mind to learn malay. Will start learning 1 or 2 months into my working life. As for the fourth language, the allure and practicality of spanish still dominates, but I may instead choose to learn a regional language should proficiency in it be required for my job. For now, the desire to be multi-lingual dominates my future plans.

Yuppies life- I want my car. (Will get my car sooner than later, probably in the very near future, if everything goes well). My friends are already planning overseas trips, 1 to Thailand in October, another to Taiwan in February, but nothing is confirmed of course...one thing is for sure though, before this chapter closes, I will make my pilgrimage to the holy place- OLD TRAFFORD!! LOL! Once, I start earning money, I will have the ability to indulge in plays/musicals/concerts! yay! I'm starting to sound like a spendthrift already, but I have decided to really enjoy life in the first year of working and saving up for the future after the first year. :)

I am going to be a YUPPIE soon!

gems of wisdom

I realized I have to post these words of wisdom from my dearest and favorite prof ever and imprint it onto my blog for eternity. Courtesy of Meiling's blog(as my favorite prof only sent this e-mail to the students taking his module-which I took in yr 3)-

Dear students

As most of you will be switching gears from study desks and library hideouts to corporate responsibilities and civil service appointments, I feel it necessary to share this nugget of revelation with you concerning globalization and the pending demands of the borderless workplace in Singapore. It also ties in with the NTUC Chief’s comments on May Day.

The occasion was the launch of a new Asia-Europe Foundation publication ‘EU- Looking through the Eyes of Asia’ on 18 April. A panel discussion was held and the speakers included an important editor from Reuters, a representative from NUS’ EU Studies programme, and the chair of the European Chamber of Commerce of Singapore who turned out to be a German national overseeing a particular European MNC’s operations throughout East Asia. I posed a question about whether the EU’s image deficit could have been usefully addressed by picking lessons from Bollywood’s soft power; the export of Japanese Anime and K-pop; Chinese cultural soft power in music and dramas etc.; and the hiring of more Asian journalists in Reuters’ Asia operations. Both the Reuters representative and the EU Studies academic responded positively to say that yes there were lessons to be shared between the two regions on building constructive images. The Chair of the European Chamber of Commerce, seized the opportunity to draw attention to the fact that Singaporean graduates were becoming more uncompetitive when it comes to hiring for senior management in European MNCs expanding into Asia because of two reasons. First, Singaporeans were losing their drive and hunger for experience, and innovation. Second, Singaporean workers were becoming inadequate bridges into the Chinese corporate world: Singaporeans spoke ‘kitchen Mandarin’ and shied away from aggressively networking through Guanxi. Instead mainland Chinese professionals were willing to learn and better themselves, and were striving to improve their English proficiency.

As a Singaporean, I was hurt by his dire depiction. As an appraiser of knowledge striving to be objective, as far as it is reasonably possible, I believe lessons can be drawn on the challenges and pitfalls of globalization. On the positive side, one does not need to resort to defensive nationalism to respond to the European mercantile elite. I hope this revelation of an elite view will spur all of you on to reverse this image. ‘Singapore Inc’ as a world leader in skills and proficiency still remains to be consolidated. I hope that the intangible skills you have picked up at NUS will inspire you to become larger human beings and knowledge analysts than merely being a possessor of an Honours degree. Furthermore, the potential of globalization to help or damage the fortunes of a ‘weak state’ depends so much on the initiative of human endeavour.

I hope that the next time I meet all of you, you will have found your watermark in your diverse career paths.

Very best wishes for a great start to the working world,

ALAN CHONG
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks, Prof. Your words struck a chord in the minds and hearts of us who were privileged to be taught by you. I will always remember your words of advice which you shared selflessly on issues that you taught and precious life lessons. You are one of the main reasons why I will never regret making political science my major.

The time to leave the sanctuary of school is near. Its time to embark on an enriching career and make a mark on society. The sky is the limit! and...of cos, a yuppies' life awaits. :p

an eventful week

Many things happened this week. Good things, bad things.......

Bad things

I forgot an angel's birthday. How did this happen? It should never be allowed to happen. Taking her for granted is such a cardinal sin that I should not commit.

Meiling sms-ed me, 'have you forgotten about me! :(' haiz, guilty again. The first excuse is the mad rush for that dreaded honours thesis. But upon reflection, I have only met her once for lunch since she graduated last semester. I do miss the days when I spent 99percent of time in school with my ps clique- Meiling, Zheyuan, Heyi and Hong. Yet, I'm not making enough effort to keep this friendship going. Wake up, Yanwei!

I need a shoebag. That prevented me from going to gym after my test at mica this monday. What a lousy excuse. Haiz, Only jogged one time this week. Need to kickstart the exercise regime again(never intensive but, enough to feel healthy and keep my weight in check).

I missed Fatma and Nab's presentation this thursday. A presentation that I was really looking forward to. For, gender issue is quite touchy for a 'mcp' like me. A gender minor like Fatma and cute Nab's presentation(have never seen Nab present b4! argh) must have been a real experience. lol. Yet,the sleep after the man u match was too sweet to wake up from.

I flunked my makeup brief HISTORY of science test today. A breadth module. But its HISTORY. It should be my forte. Pure memorization yet, my mind went blank and the questions was obscure enough to send a blank mind to hell. Flunking this test means a B+ is all that I can aim for. This means that a maximum last minute effort is likely to result in a B grade. ARGH. CRAP. This is HISTORY. SIGHZ. ITS MY FORTE. I don't care if its about science. It can be about art/music for all I care. I swear I will put in that last ounce of effort to make up for this disaster.

Good things

I watched Romance of Three Kingdoms, the movie installment on Zhao Zhilong. Yes, its nowhere near the accuracy of the novel/history but it still brought a lot of satisfaction watching my favorite general on the big screen.

I beat Zheyuan 5-4 in pool games AGAIN. haha, winning when defeat stares you in the eye always gives you the feel-good feeling.

Manchester United beat Roma 1-0 on the night! More importantly, Gary Neville is back. And the ovation he received brought a tear to my eye. Its great to see him back after such a long absence. Welcome back, my dear captain!

I finally met Zhixiang at the honours room just now. After promising to find him there for the whole sem. Had a good dinner with him and Weizan. Then also, spend a bit of time mingling with other PS peers, such as Alene and Shawn at the honours room. With graduation on the horizon, its a nice feeling to just chat and mingle with some of my peers.

Things are rosy on the job front. No, I am resigned to my failure to get into MFA, but its likely that I will get my next best option again. YAY.(ok, maybe I'm not that joyous, but it always feel good to know you have 'market value'.)

The possibility of ace-ing Theories of IR module is exceedingly high. I got an A- for the 25percent test, an A for the discussant session (10percent) and I am geniunely enjoying the class participation (40percent), speaking up and writing in the online forum not out of necessity but out of interest. I'm not even lost in that module anymore. I'm confident of ace-ing this module. :)

Such a mixed week. Next week? Issues of SEA paper is the main agenda. I cannot afford to screw up a 40 percent paper.

peace

Selfishness is inherent in everyone.

That's something I learnt as I get older. Not that its wrong or it shouldn't be this way. For we are all flawed. At peace with my heart, at peace with how things are going on all fronts, at peace with my life, things are looking clearer and clearer each day.

I'm amazed. Amazed at how stupid I was. That sense of loss was so unwarranted. When you are blinded, you really feel like you can and will do anything for someone. Someone who doesn't really matter. Someone who's dispensible. Very much so.

To put yourself as the top priority is a painful lesson learnt. For, to be happy only when someone else is happy is just a torture. Especially, if that someone is not worth it even in the first place.

Somehow, somewhat, that idealistic streak in me has faded away. Feeling somewhat desensitized, I realized how easy it is to just shut people who doesn't matter much in life out. They say out of sight, out of mind. I say, out of mind then even when they are within your sight, you can't even see them, or notice their presence.

At peace.

defeat

Something historic just happened. Can you smell the scent of change emanating across our borders...surprise and even a sense of euphoria evaporated shortly after the suprise, leaving a lingering feeling of uncertainty, excitement and a tinge of apprehension....

The BN has won a simple majority of parliamentary seats. In other words, they lost the TWO-THIRD MAJORITY. A historic setback for the BN. They can no longer make constitutional changes at their own whims and likings. For the first time in Malaysia's history, the opposition is going to have a really substantial say in the decision-making on the national level in Malaysia. Institutional designs favouring the BN has failed to eliminate this threat to their power, n the people's voices(be it wise or not) has been translated into real power. Wow.....

Exciting times lies ahead...and as always, there is the element of danger in uncertain times. But, I shall reiterate what I stated in my paper for a module last semester regarding the BN and the opposition parties. The rising star in Malaysia is going to be Anwar Ibrahim(yes this seems obvious now, but definitely not in october last year) and dare I say it, Keadilan is the real threat that the BN has to quell in the forseeable future.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow

*When you see history been made, this feeling of 'wow-ness' overwhelms you.

ignorance

"The more we know, the more aware we are of what we know not. Indeed, the most important product of knowledge is ignorance."
-David Gross(2004 Physics Nobel Laureate)

princess

The two princess of my eldest cousin(maternal side). Cute hor? I must say, they really did make my cny that much more jovial. Childlike innocence, well, kids are indeed angels, even when they do something wrong or get naughty.

If I have daughters, I think I'm going to be a really bad father. I will never be able to take on the role of the disciplinarian. I mean, can you really bear to scold angels? Even if they get naughty and burn down the house? Darn...I am so going to spoil my kids next time....

Hannibal Barca

General Hannibal Barca,

You have been on my mind for the past few days. You will be surprised by how inspired I was when I had a visual reenactment of your greatness through a modern recreation of your acts. You did not just stand up to the Roman Empire. You surprised them. You almost brought about the end of the Roman Empire. You struck fear into the heart of the mighty Romans. The Romans even granted you the highest form of flattery by imitating your war tactics. In particular, that long, trecherous and unforgiving journey past the Alps to attack Rome itself was unexpected to say the least. Yet, you accomplished this amazing feat and almost brought the mighty Roman empire to their knees. History has attributed this famous quote to you,

"We will either find a way, or make one."- General Hannibal

You were so sure you were going to find your way or rather make your way. Your determination and your sense of belief must have been infectious and did wonders to your troops. I have to thank you. To thank you for your belief and your determination and pure brillance. Thanks for providing this timeless gem and timely reminder to me.

You failed in the end. Taking your own life to deprive the Romans of the satisfaction of killing you. I will never comprehend why you refused to storm Rome and land that final stab into the heart of the Roman Empire. You were so close. Why? You could have changed the course of history. You could have been more than a flawed genius. You could have been the man who brought the Roman Empire to an emphatic end. That strong empire which possesses overwhelming strength in your time. Why did you have to insist on having the Romans surrender to you? Was it arrogance? That you believe you had done enough and wanted the mighty Romans to eat the ultimate humble pie and surrender to you, the so-called babarian? Or was it compassion? That you believe you will be able to save the lives of your remaining troops and see no need to burn Rome and kill all those in Rome itself?

Yet, even in your failures, there are lessons to be learnt. You are a testament to the old saying that to be kind to your enemy is to be cruel to yourself. You showed that you are after all human. And perhaps the most inspiring thing about you lies in the fact that you are a flawed genius. Your legacy will not be forgotten. And, you will always earn the admiration and adoration from future generations.

With love,
Yanwei

(im)perfection

When something really matters, your expectations get heightened ten-fold and the pressures become insurmountable. Or so it seems, I seemed to be stuck in the mindset that dreams are so sweet because they can't come true. I seem to be quietly confident of my assets and my strengths yet painfully aware of my limitations. My limitations seems to ensure that I will not get the coveted goals that I so desperately want and dream of. Yet, without bragging, I always manages to get the next best choice avaliable. To another person, what I possesses now, what I have experienced, what I have gotten in life so far may already provide them with much satisfaction and perhaps even joy. Yet, to me, this just seems to be inadequate. No, I am not aiming for the sky, I am painfully reminded by my own perfectionist tendencies that I am not reaching my potential. To not reach my own potential is indeed a very sucky feeling.

Potential, what a scary thing. It creates unrealistic expectations and daunting challenges. Yet, it may lull some into complacency. Some even used 'potential' as a means to pacify themselves for their inept results so far. If potential becomes an excuse for one not meeting their goals, then I must say quit telling me about your potential and start showing me your results. Or at least, your best efforts, as long as you try your best, you can't go too wrong in life. Whether you are contented with the end result is an another matter altogether.

Today, I was struck down by a flu, a headache and a very serious insomnia that made me decide to back down from taking a step nearer to that coveted dream of mine. The possibility of failing and flopping today was just too high. And, I know, if I backed down this time round, after I recover from my sickness,try to have a good night's sleep and pep myself up mentally for this challenge, I will be able to meet my potential. Or at least, be in the optimum position to grab this challenge, give it my best shot and have no regrets. But, how many second chances appears in life? Especially when its with regards with something that you really want? Sometimes opportunities only arrive once in your lifetime and timing is the most essential thing. So I can only hope that this time round, I will get this second chance. If not, I'm not really freting over it as well, for ironically, I have expanded my options widely enough and feel assuredly confident that I will carve out my niche in another area(which arguably, I am actually more suitable for) than this dream that I have always coveted.

* Life is a journey with lots of twists and turns. Its ok to fail, just make sure you stand up again. :)

social scientist

As a social scientist, I should have been more sensitive to the possible repercussions of differing perceptions.

As a social scientist, I took it for granted that people understood the medium theory and the straightforward effects of framing.

As a social scientist, I should have analyzed the results of my actions and words.

As a social scientist, I feel silly to not have made calculated moves and 'rational' decisions.

But a social scientist is nothing more than just one side of me. To be judged is perhaps unavoidable. Yet to judge on rather circumstantial evidences is perhaps really just laughable. And yah, I had a good laugh after the slight irritation at the begining.

You think you know me, but you don't.

ubin cycling trip

Spending Roy's birthday(and New Year's eve) in ubin was both a retreat back to nature and a walk down the memory lane. Goofing around and photo-whoring, I must say it brought back lots of memories from our jc days.....



When I was small and christmas trees were tall....or so the song goes...haha, when we are sweet sweet 18...



Still 18, abeit, our aggressive tendencies were brought to the forefront...haha..and so goofing around seems to be a thing of the past? Not really...



Nature has its way of bringing out the childlike innocence of men....



Or maybe nature reduced men to boys again.....

Posing or acting cool on the other hand seems to be natural.....



Or maybe we are really cool.......



We are still cool rite abeit with the help of some lighting...........



No...? Maybe this 'boyband like' pose will convince you otherwise...



Haha, ok maybe we are delusional...but hey, its fun to think these thoughts sometimes.