when was the last time my heart aches so much?

When was the last time my heart aches so much? I wonder...it just sucks isn't it..life shouldn't be like that..yet I know my heart will ache even more when I write her christmas card tmr..She screwed my mind again..hopefully for the final time..really hopefully...I mean..sighz..its really bad timing to suddenly msn me to say we have to talk n stuff the nite after I bought her christmas presents..must she be so cruel to me..must heaven plays such stunts on me..some of her words just pierced my heart...I guess she finally grew tired of fishing n decided its time to let this fish go into the ocean..I guess she thinks that its better to hurt the fish badly n expect him to survive alone..she makes it pretty clear that she wants me out of her life..she can be so cruel...so cruel to make me dread talking to her...

Ok..I shall bear with my heartache n just be dumb for one last time. I will try to write how I feel on the christmas card conveying as little pain that I'm feeling as possible. I will also be nice n angelic enough to make sure that I don't linger around in her life since she wants me to disappear..

* My closest friends,pls remind me to block n delete her from my msn list by 1 jan 2007. I will try to cope with the 500 over sms-es n her pictures in my hp another time..Its going to be over soon...it is...

Let me be silly but happy for this christmas..I'm going to get really drunk on christmas eve..yay...n perhaps for the last time be replying to her sms-es either on christmas eve or christmas...

Somehow....I still want her to be happy..somehow..I still miss her laughs,her blushes,her smiles, her voice..somehow..I guess she will always be special to me...but somehow..the dream is ending...finally ending..though I dun want it to end..I have no choice...its over...dude..its over..face it..dude..face it..face it whether u like it or not...be a man..

This is the last time I will ever be so dumb again. Mark my words..She will be the one n only gal that I am so dumb to...