24.

* The following post contains lots of grammatical n vocab. errors that the writer can't be bothered to correct considering that he has homework to do.*

I turned 24 on last saturday, the last year where one can claim that he is in his early 20s le. I am not really a 'birthday' kind of person, preferring solitude more than company at times or just meeting a few close friends on the day itself or the days surrounding it. This birthday is rather unique and special for many reasons.

The Prelude

A very early suprise birthday celebration by Roy, Karen and Pangwei. I was expecting to celebrate Karen's belated birthday with a simple dinner and chilling out on wednesday night after work and found out that I had a rather pleasant surprise that the three of them actually bought polar tarts with candles to help me celebrate an early b'day(considering that Roy n Karen went to gentings on my b'day, they must be guilty to not be able to be around so to be so nice bah)..haha..With Roy and Pangwei, the feeling's a bit like family le, just something simple will do, with old friends like this(n yes, hardy,so sorry I could not make it for lunch on sat becos I was working)..you just feel so at home with them that the fact you can say anything n everything makes that nite of relaxation so enjoyable that the celebration whatever the style is secondary as compared to the company.

The Eve

On friday, meeting the NUS PA internship mates(14 in total) for an informal sharing session aka dinner led to half of us going for a drinking and chilling out session at paulauners on saturday. The funny thing is how all of us actually click off so swiftly despite this meeting been the 1st or 2nd time that we see and really interact with each other. Maybe its Peilin's entertainment ability, maybe its Michelle's photo-whoring, maybe its just everyone on almost the same wavelength, enjoying the atmosphere and the nice beer. Starting my birthday on a high on alcohol is perhaps expected but to spend the first few hours of my birthday with a new group of people is certainly totally unexpected.

The Actual day

High, flushed with smses from many of my friends whom I treasured greatly, I reached home to an even sweeter surprise. Juliet sang me a birthday song twice over the phone, after much cajoling. This was the first time someone sang me a birthday song over the phone and this gesture is much appreciated.

Waking up to a slight hangover and to work on my birthday(another first time) is not exactly my ideal plan to spend my birthday. But, it turned out to be a really enjoyable workday, with the MP coming over to our table during the forum and engaged us in an intriguing conversation. Interesting? You betcha..! I'm actually pretty impressed at some of the insights that the MP pointed out and of course, I did hold on strongly and tried to defend some of the beliefs that ran contrary to his viewpoints.

After work, the tiredness got to me and I decided to spend the rest of my birthday at home with my family and one eye on the Manchester United match at night. Yes, was left disappointed, probably dampened my birthday mood a bit. Oh well, the least, Manchester United did was not to lose on my birthday but 30 mins after my birthday ended.

The aftermath

Just got back home an hour ago from dinner with Yixian, Shuyi and Edwin. Had a belated birthday dinner with them at CCK. Yes, Yixian, the food was really nice and your room really lives up to its reputation(lol, :p). Never really expected us to get to know each other better, christianty? Church? Probably, Thanks for the surprise soap and the christian songs, its really much appreciated. The christian songs will come in especially handy with all the thoughts and self reflections that I have been doing these days.(probably, resulting in this incoherent blog entry and the numerous times when writer's blocks struck and I just can't pen down my thoughts).

Her

The 3 month plus absence of contact broke with 2 birthday sms from her, near midnite and in the evening on the actual day. I knew she will remember my birthday and I was actually half expecting her to sms me. Probably, the happiest thing that happened to me on my birthday was the fact that she's more stable now than in the past. I know after the few sms-es exchanges, we are going to revert back to the status of strangers. But what kind of strangers will actually remember each other's birthdays? Aug 5th, probably the date that this absence of contact will be broken again for that will be my turn to message her happy birthday and maybe pick up the pieces again and be friends again. These 3 months interlude has been beneficial in my recovery. It has been 2 months plus since I last blogged abt. her....the pain and the hurt are not felt much anymore and the memory of such feelings are getting more and more distant. While waiting for Yixian and Shuyi at CCK mrt stn today, I had these very weird feeling, this is so near her house, will I get to meet her by surprise? How will I react? Do I want to see her..? Probably, its a complicated feeling of just wanting to see her again to perhaps visualize that she's fine and surviving well and the reminder of the hurt and the long struggle to get back to normalcy makes it such an incoherent inner struggling..thank God that my friends appeared 15 mins later..to stop me from having those unneccessary thoughts that are really redundant.

24 and counting

24 sounds old. Age does not represent maturity. Yet, I have grown so much since 23 flashes past with a glimpse of an eye. The quest and defeat in my first class honours dream, internship with Nexus, mentorship with Reach, the temporal brush with christianty, her, her, her, her.......

May this last lap of the early 20s bring about more happiness and satisfaction. I never ever want to be vulnerable again, I had enough of vulnerability, of been hurt..probably, the scars haven't healed yet, probably, the channeling of energy towards making more friends and concentrating on tangible goals such as another testimonial, enjoying my last year in school and laughter and fun with friends are more important than the senseless and dangerous thing called love.