history

History should stay as it is, history. The past should not be allowed to haunt the future. We will all have our fair share of historical baggage. What we have experienced in the past shaped us and changed us into the person we are today. I have changed, I feel for the better. Because most of my fundamental notions towards the idea of love has not changed, yet, I am finally able to curb some of that irrational feeling. I feel more in control le. Yet, I'm also more afraid. Gone are the days where I actually believe that love can conquer all. Gone are the days that pain, even excessive amount of it is worth it. Gone are the days that I'm foolhardy. Or maybe, because I'm not deeply in love at the moment. With love, I'm not afraid of the pain, the heartbreak that comes along with it, I'm only afraid of the fact that I will lose control of myself. Losing control, not doing the rational thing scares me. Everything can just spiral down into a vicious cycle where one attempts to hang on to an illusion, false hope and lead to just more and more pain. The difficulty of breaking out of the cycle is very scary indeed.

Today, I finally had closure. Painful, a very painful closure. But, it was worth the pain. Despite the pain, I felt light again, free even. Free from the chains of enslavement. No longer a fish.. or maybe a fish in the deep vast ocean. haha, sighz..the taste of freedom is so sweet. Happiness is the only thing that really matters. :)