Christianity and me...

I went to church today..to be exact..a church service today..the last time I went for a church service was back in secondary 3(not to mentioned the christmas celebration by city harvest in jc)..this decision was probably taken because of the uncertainties and rollercoaster time that I am experiencing at the moment...

I thought I was ready..ready for God's intervention, ready to believe that some omnipotent,omnipresent,omniscient Lord would open my heart, give me comfort and lead me out of my misery..I was wrong..I am not ready to embrace God..there's still too many rational doubts in my mind..and I was not able to contemplate adopting the Christian values and the Christian way of life.

I wanted to go to the service with an open mind and an open heart..instead my defence mechanism came up..guarded, nervous, uncomfortable throughout the whole service..despite the best efforts of my nice friends who tried their best to make me feel at home..I can sense my unease at the service..its weird..only after the service..did I resume my normal self....maybe that's because of my own experiences with christianity over the years...

You know what's the ironic part...I do turn to christian songs and even the bible when I'm really down...