actually

Its simple, actually.
No fuss, no complications.
Just simplicity, that's all.

Its nothing, actually.
Absence, void, emptiness.
Just nothingness, that's all.

Its history, actually.
Past tense, memories.
Just history, that's all.

Its melancholy, actually.
Irrational, fleeting.
Just melancholy, that's all.

my ps clique

I felt so lost on my first day of school. The usual faces at the dungeon were no longer there and I felt the loss of my ps clique- Heyi, Hong, Meiling and Zheyuan. School without them just doesn't seem to be school anymore. So lost, that I sms-ed Meiling and Hong about it. I did most of my projects in nus with them, ate lunch with them, chilling out in the library, rushing midterm papers throughout the nite together, going out pubbing/pool/studying until wee hours into the morning or even morning with them. Haiz, all I needed in political science was just them. Hong's last semester in nus le... seeing him on thursday brought back so much comfort, yes, I missed my first lesson in nus becos he overslept, but still, just seeing him in this setting cheers me up. Going to his house to play with Mocha made my day even better. We plan to take the same tutorials for the only two modules we have together, me sacrificing my only free day and he taking a 10am lesson at a huge risk because we know that this is probably the last semester in our life that we study together. I'm really thankful to have him for this semester before I 'go solo' next semester.

Going solo is of course too drastic to describe it, I still have friends whom I knew for quite some time to hang out with- Roy and the new media gang to talk cock with, Peishan(going for sep this sem), Wanrong, Fatma, Nabilla,Min Li, Joan, Zhixiang are amongst the friends I have known for quite a while that I feel at ease with to study together. And also my PA internmates- Daniel, Yishu, Hock Sing and Ben whom I clicked so well during my internship. Even though this is only the first week of school, I also know quite a few new friends le...

But at the end of the day, I guess, I will still miss my PS clique and when Hong finally graduates this sem, I will feel that school as a Political Science Major has more or less ended in a metaphorical sense for me too. Oh well, partings are just part and parcel of life, no longer coursemates but definitely friends for life. :)

a fan's agony

Its 5am. Manchester United drew again. 2 draws in 2 matches. 4 points off the top of the table already. I can feel my heart wrenching with every passing minute of the matches. My mood changes from confidence to optimism to nervous-ness to despair and finally resignation. With a Manchester derby in the weekend, I start to wonder, can life get even more painful for a Red Devils fan? Nonsense, my heart tells me, 'Of course, we are going to win that game and many many games from now on, we are after all Manchester United.'

The title race is still not over, bleahz. I shall wear my favorite Manchester United t-shirt later for classes.

And at the end of the season, I shall sing to the tune of ' We are the Champions, We are the Champions of England...' and ' Glory Glory, Man United, Glory Glory, Man United, Glory Glory, Man United, and the Reds go marching on...'

beautiful song

Beautiful. Lailin, when I read about your blog post regarding your reaction towards my elaboration of how crazy this world is, I seriously have no reply. Yes, I painted a very bleak picture of the world and 'ignorance is still bliss' for the bulk of the masses. Let this video be my answer and also an attempt to add some colour to the bleak picture. As long as there's still humans, there will always be hope.

A Modern Sonnet

From the movie- 10 things I hate about you,

A parody of Shakespheare's Sonnet 141

I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick. It even makes me rhyme.
I hate it-
I hate the way you are always right. I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you are not around and the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly, I hate the way I don't hate you,
not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

holidays

My internship with PA,CO finally ended yesterday. Having started this internship on May 7th, 3 days after my last exam paper, I started my holidays with a bout of flu. Still reeling from the sneezes and the runny nose, I caught up with much needed sleep and rest for my body today. There's still two weeks of holidays left before I am engulfed by the massive load of readings required by the honours year. I can finally do some guilt-free slacking amidst modules-bidding, reading of that genre of intellectually stimulating and emotionally stifling books which is the standard fare of a political science/history major and catching up with friends. That desire for academic excellence is still burning strongly while the strategic caculus has ceased to exist. Enough said about what lies ahead, now I shall do some reflections upon my internship stint....

I had one of my best mentors in life in this internship. He tried his best to share his experiences with me, not just in PA, but in life. His instructions, his words of advice, his debrief after every meeting, every event will be something that I will never forget in life. Experience is such a priceless quality.

Like my previous internship with nexus, this has again been a humbling experience. Probably even more so than my stint with nexus. I was exposed to stuff that my training as a political scientist failed to equipped me with. Much more importantly, I feel is the people skills that I have picked up in this internship. No, I was never intellectually overwhelmed in this internship(unlike my last one which tested my creativity/analytical/research skills to the fullest), but this time round, this internship brushed up my soft skills in life. Not that PS majors are socially inept, we must be the most vocal and impressive amongst fass students in terms of how to present yourself, communicate and sell your ideas, but school can only provide that much.

One unexpected outcome of this internship is the friendships cultivated during this period. No, I don't mean networking, I meant friendship. Knowing people that are of the same wavelength, fun people whom I can click on both the intellectual level and on the social level. Fun people whom I feel very comfortable with. I know that these are people that friendships can be built upon, that I will like more and more and that I will treasure.

Of course, there are also downsides of this internship, the absence of a challenge that can overwhelm my intellectual ability, the lack of empowerment, the mundane tasks such as data entry and filing and the free-er periods of this internship proved to be dampeners.

All in all, this experience has been invaluable and has added on to my personal growth. Another step forward, another experience to make myself more marketable. Maybe what I have is still not enough to fulfill my dream, but this is definitely a step in the right direction.

I need to keep taking steps in the right direction, not allowing myself to rest on my own's laurels and keep believing that dreams are not impossible. Only with continued personal growth and a sustantial marketability of myself to my potential employers can I pursue my goal of working for the public good in an area that appeals to me most.

msn conversation

yanwei says:
i'm sure u will be a great mother..

yanwei says:
:)

[definitely.maybe] i've got a right to be wrong. says:
HAHAHHAAH

yanwei says:
.......

.................................................

love

Love, what is love? I don't think you can really put it into words. Love is understanding someone, caring for him, sharing his joys and sorrows. This eventually includes physical love. You've shared something, given something away and received something in return, whether or not you are married , whether or not you have a baby. Losing your virtue doesn't matter, as long as you know that for as long as you live you'll have someone at your side who understands you, and who doesn't have to be shared with anyone else!

-Anne M. Frank

history

History should stay as it is, history. The past should not be allowed to haunt the future. We will all have our fair share of historical baggage. What we have experienced in the past shaped us and changed us into the person we are today. I have changed, I feel for the better. Because most of my fundamental notions towards the idea of love has not changed, yet, I am finally able to curb some of that irrational feeling. I feel more in control le. Yet, I'm also more afraid. Gone are the days where I actually believe that love can conquer all. Gone are the days that pain, even excessive amount of it is worth it. Gone are the days that I'm foolhardy. Or maybe, because I'm not deeply in love at the moment. With love, I'm not afraid of the pain, the heartbreak that comes along with it, I'm only afraid of the fact that I will lose control of myself. Losing control, not doing the rational thing scares me. Everything can just spiral down into a vicious cycle where one attempts to hang on to an illusion, false hope and lead to just more and more pain. The difficulty of breaking out of the cycle is very scary indeed.

Today, I finally had closure. Painful, a very painful closure. But, it was worth the pain. Despite the pain, I felt light again, free even. Free from the chains of enslavement. No longer a fish.. or maybe a fish in the deep vast ocean. haha, sighz..the taste of freedom is so sweet. Happiness is the only thing that really matters. :)

book hunting

I had to get a book today. My $10 kino book voucher was going to expire tommorow. And so, I went to Kinokuniya after work. I told myself a couple of times that I am not going to buy a book on nazi history. Having already finished one book,'The trial of major war criminals in Nuremberg' and currently finishing up another biography upon this nazi period, 'Triumph of Hope, From Theresienstadt and Auschwitz to Israel' and having three more nazi history books waiting in the wings(thank you Joan for the 3 books), I was pretty sure that I would be enticed by some other subject matter/genre. Maybe American foreign policy? Maybe Singapore's foreign policy? Maybe a novel?

Upon reaching Kino, I tried my best to steer clear of the nazi history section(my favorite section over the years) and with purpose, I was looking for the heading named Political Science, yet it proved to be quite elusive and the shelves labelled Current Affairs caught my eye. There lies the wide array of famous American political scientists, Joseph Nye, Samuel Huntington, Francis Fukayama and many many books written by Noam Chomsky regarding American foreign policy. Currently reading his latest book,'Failed States, The abuse of power and the assault on democracy' , I hesitated to get another book by him. 'That guy's deep and I am still in the midst of trying to figure about his ideological orientation, maybe another time', was what came up in my mind at that moment.. I scanned through the titles of the books available upon the few shelves displaying the books under the label 'Current Affairs' and something struck me. All the books was on America and by American writers....yes, I am a fan of America, but I was expecting a wider array of books by different writers. Kino isn't even an American bookshop, for goodness sake, they should have just renamed the few shelves, American Affairs and not Current Affairs. That quote that refused to go away, came to my mind again,

‘Knowledge is power, but power is knowledge. Power decides what is knowledge and what is not knowledge.’ Claude Alvares

American hegemony, soft power, the allure of American ideas,hard power, such is the pull of American influence and its insidious impact upon this ordinary Singaporean

However, I was disgusted enough by such inappropriate and insensitive displays that I decided to take a break from American writers. Next, I move to books regarding the region. While looking at the singapore studies collection, I noticed that three japanese tourists took Lee's memoirs and wanted to buy it. At that moment, I felt proud. Proud that Lee Kwan Yew, the de facto father of independent Singapore has left an indelible mark on history and respected internationally. Probably more people has heard of Lee Kwan Yew than Singapore. Hong's words while introducing the military museum in Beijing flooded back, ' Lee Kwan Yew was the only overseas Chinese leader who has a statue in this museum '......need I say more...?

Nothing really caught my eye though, Southeast Asia was a tad boring, the only book that caught my eye was the latest Aung San Suu kyi biography. I was tempted but not tempted enough. Then the brief walk through the political science shelves, upon reaching there, I yawned. This feel like school again, I'm seriously not in the mood to study about stuff like state making in my holidays. Moving on to the shelves upon Europe, I saw something that caught my attention, a picture showing Hitler's back and him giving a speech to the hundreds of thousands of Germans. What a majestic picture! I browse through the book and saw that it covered the perversion/subordination of religion from the past to the present(holocaust, nazi period to the london bombings). Intriguing, I must admit, but by then, I could not resist that desire anymore. That desire to just go to the shelves displaying the books on nazi history.

I had to and boy, oh boy, the sensation that hit me when I finally reached that shelf. I was overwhelmed with excitement, feeling like a boy in a candy shop again and have a tough time picking the title I want. Is it going to be another holocaust biography? Or do I want to read about the love life of Hitler? Art and Hitler? The propaganda machine? The Nuremberg Trials? Allies espionage in NAZI Germany? Or the struggle for power within the inner circle of the nazi elites? Until the picture of Anne Frank caught my eye... Anne Frank, the famous jewish girl, the so-called symbol of the holocaust...someone I had missed out so far in my interest in nazi history. I was actually a bit irritated when Lailin mentioned Anne Frank that time and I didn't know who and what she represented. There were books on poems written in the dedication of her, biographies upon her and of course, her own diary. Browsing through the diary, I knew this was the book that I was going to buy. So what if I will have 5 nazi history books to finish, I'm really enjoying this journey back to this period. The goosebumps, that ride into social history, the authentic stories, the tears, the joys, the pains, all those emotions evoked are just darn enjoyable.

'Anne Frank, the diary of a young girl' was my purchase in the end.



Yes, I know. I have a fetish for nazi history.

experience

I have eaten more salt than you have eaten rice.

Listen to seemingly-unpleasant but invaluable advice from an old person or else, you will lose out.

A loose translation of the two chinese sayings in life that I have heard many many times. As I grow older, I start to appreciate these two sayings more and more. For EXPERIENCE, a ten-letter word so loaded with significance cannot be replaced by anything else. In short, there is no substitute for experience.

I feel blessed. Blessed that at this stage in life, I have had mentors who bother to give me advice, to teach me the ropes, to point out insights that I may have missed out.

Cheater

Disclaimer- There will be a lot of ranting and vulgarities ahead in this post, the writer regret to inform readers who decide to read on that he is not liable for any adverse effect on their mood or whatsoever.

Guys who cheat on their wives should be castrated. Bastards, Jerks, Assholes,Liars, they should all just be sent to hell and never ever be forgiven. Don't they know that marriage is a life-time commitment? I'm so disgusted, I feel like hitting that bastard and knock some sense out of him. Damn bastards, they are giving the male species such a fucking bad name. Why break a woman's heart when you decided to marry that person? Didn't you actually love her and treasure her? Didn't you take the vow to stand by her through thick and thin? And, yet, this happened within such a short time...I'm so peeved...Bastards like that should be sent to concentration camps for all I care. If you want a good fuck, go FUCK YOURSELF, ASSHOLES. Disgust is a mild word and very much an understatement in this instance.

Women who seduce married men are just as bad. Freaking sluts, bitches, assholes,keep your hands or whatsoever off married men. For GOODNESS SAKE, there are plenty of single and pathetic losers out there for you to fool around with. DAMN, you sluts for breaking up marriages, for breaking up a family, for making the extended families of both parties hurt and feeling the anguish. Retribution is the least that people will put a curse upon you women. Get a life or pls FUCK OFF. DISGUSTING PIECES OF SHIT....

Sighz, its been a while since I experience such anger...but to feel the helplessness, anguish, hopelessness, despair, hurt, sorrow, pain of someone close who were betrayed just sucks. A friendly warning to all my guy friends out there, DON'T EVER EXPECT ME TO COVER YOUR SHIT IF YOU STRAYED. I WILL NOT. PERIOD. Think before you act, do not act like an ANIMAL or an IDIOT.

Shucks,I pray for A to have the strength to pull herself through this tough time, that A will be able to get over the heartbreak and the scars will be erased with time. I pray that she will still be the cheerful person whom I grew up with. I pray that all this will just be a bad nitemare that she will wake up from and be a stronger person. Tommorow will be a better day, yah, if only life is that simple, but perhaps, it can be, it will be, it must be. Its just...easier said than done.

Sighz, I had to rant. It cuts my heart to see someone close suffering. It does. And my already present hatred for cheaters has just been increased tenfold, no, make that a thousand fold or whatsoever.

* Sorry if I stun anyone with the spewing of vulgarities or spoil anyone's mood. I had to get this off my chest. And please show sensitivity and do not ask me what happened, I will share if I want to.

the end of the war

The war is lost. My dream has ended. No more moon, only stars..

Moments like this are remembered for life. The loss of a war, the end of a dream, the inevitable reality of effort plus potential not been enough to get the coveted goal. And yes, so many terms for an almost compulsive obsession with a first class honours dream. The knockout blow came much eariler than the semester that just ended. Derailed by an equally or even more-so obsession with her, my cap suffered a big drop of 0.9 that rendered the situation beyond me.(especially the pyschological blow that destroyed an aura of 'zai-ness') And so, it is finally over, mathematically. But, its well deserved isn't it? At the end of the day, I just did not meet my potential. I could have tried hard enough, could have stayed focused and then I will do much better than what I'm doing now. Now, in Joan's words(spoken a year plus back), I will just be an ordinary 2nd upper class grad. walking around. And yes, my ego doesnt like this feeling at all. >.<

This obsession started even before I entered NUS, one year into my national service, in a jc class gathering, I remembered asking Sujeeta about life in NUS and when I told her that I was aiming for a first class honours, she actually scoffed at that idea and went on to yak about how hard that is. That look on her face when I started my NUS life with a dean's list was one that I will never forget and now she have been proven right, this was indeed beyond me.

My best friend, Andrew, how hard have we fallen from grace! In my perspective at least. With the first class in sight in our early years in uni, we lost sight and eventually lost the quest. I will never forget that you top your cohort in the first year in computer science in Aberdeen University, nor will I forget the pact that we have and I wanted you to have that first class honours as badly as I wanted mine. But, you disappointed me with that loss in steam in year 3, sighz, and now, I have fallen. I know, a 2nd upper won't haunt you as much as it would haunt me, yet, I wish that the repercussions to this failure is going to be positive.

Left with pride to study for in honours year, I am not going to give up. But, no longer is the strategic reason for choosing modules anymore important, I am going to take challenging modules that interest me. The level 3000 hy module, Dictators of Europe will be something that I want to read upon next year. With my fetish for nazism and Adolf Hitler, this module just seems too appealing to be missed. And of cos, the allure of dictators is too strong to resist. The thing is I'm a Political Science Major and PS modules come first, despite not having much interest in Theories of IR, I have to take this. Plus another 2 PS modules that seems to be modules that I can't miss, I might yet miss the chance to take Dictators of Europe. Let's hope I can choose the modules I want bah, for with pride only to fight for, its time that I ease that unnecessary burden on myself and truely enjoy what is my last year of undergraduate life.

Moving on from here, I need to pick myself up and focus on new challenges. Time to concentrate on the Graduate Management Admissions Test that top ministries and big MNCs use in their review of job applications. Time to convince myself that I have the time and the required effort to take a third language? And by that, I don't mean conversational level, but really effectively proficient in it..and yet, I don't like the idea of overloading myself and the thing wih language especially new ones, its that you need consistent effort to stay proficient in it...

Dreams are sweet because they never come true. Could this happen to my dream of joining Ministry of Foreign Affairs too?

(Update- Thanks Dr Kripa for giving me that full A grade that I have always been striving to achieve for a PS module.A welcome relief from the usual one step too far A- grade that I have been getting for PS modules that I am confident for. You did not kill me, I'm so suprised. Probably, the ingenuity of my answers and the consistent work done throughout the sem made up for an exam where for the first time, everything that I spotted and focused on was not amongst the questions. And for that, I'm glad.)

24.

* The following post contains lots of grammatical n vocab. errors that the writer can't be bothered to correct considering that he has homework to do.*

I turned 24 on last saturday, the last year where one can claim that he is in his early 20s le. I am not really a 'birthday' kind of person, preferring solitude more than company at times or just meeting a few close friends on the day itself or the days surrounding it. This birthday is rather unique and special for many reasons.

The Prelude

A very early suprise birthday celebration by Roy, Karen and Pangwei. I was expecting to celebrate Karen's belated birthday with a simple dinner and chilling out on wednesday night after work and found out that I had a rather pleasant surprise that the three of them actually bought polar tarts with candles to help me celebrate an early b'day(considering that Roy n Karen went to gentings on my b'day, they must be guilty to not be able to be around so to be so nice bah)..haha..With Roy and Pangwei, the feeling's a bit like family le, just something simple will do, with old friends like this(n yes, hardy,so sorry I could not make it for lunch on sat becos I was working)..you just feel so at home with them that the fact you can say anything n everything makes that nite of relaxation so enjoyable that the celebration whatever the style is secondary as compared to the company.

The Eve

On friday, meeting the NUS PA internship mates(14 in total) for an informal sharing session aka dinner led to half of us going for a drinking and chilling out session at paulauners on saturday. The funny thing is how all of us actually click off so swiftly despite this meeting been the 1st or 2nd time that we see and really interact with each other. Maybe its Peilin's entertainment ability, maybe its Michelle's photo-whoring, maybe its just everyone on almost the same wavelength, enjoying the atmosphere and the nice beer. Starting my birthday on a high on alcohol is perhaps expected but to spend the first few hours of my birthday with a new group of people is certainly totally unexpected.

The Actual day

High, flushed with smses from many of my friends whom I treasured greatly, I reached home to an even sweeter surprise. Juliet sang me a birthday song twice over the phone, after much cajoling. This was the first time someone sang me a birthday song over the phone and this gesture is much appreciated.

Waking up to a slight hangover and to work on my birthday(another first time) is not exactly my ideal plan to spend my birthday. But, it turned out to be a really enjoyable workday, with the MP coming over to our table during the forum and engaged us in an intriguing conversation. Interesting? You betcha..! I'm actually pretty impressed at some of the insights that the MP pointed out and of course, I did hold on strongly and tried to defend some of the beliefs that ran contrary to his viewpoints.

After work, the tiredness got to me and I decided to spend the rest of my birthday at home with my family and one eye on the Manchester United match at night. Yes, was left disappointed, probably dampened my birthday mood a bit. Oh well, the least, Manchester United did was not to lose on my birthday but 30 mins after my birthday ended.

The aftermath

Just got back home an hour ago from dinner with Yixian, Shuyi and Edwin. Had a belated birthday dinner with them at CCK. Yes, Yixian, the food was really nice and your room really lives up to its reputation(lol, :p). Never really expected us to get to know each other better, christianty? Church? Probably, Thanks for the surprise soap and the christian songs, its really much appreciated. The christian songs will come in especially handy with all the thoughts and self reflections that I have been doing these days.(probably, resulting in this incoherent blog entry and the numerous times when writer's blocks struck and I just can't pen down my thoughts).

Her

The 3 month plus absence of contact broke with 2 birthday sms from her, near midnite and in the evening on the actual day. I knew she will remember my birthday and I was actually half expecting her to sms me. Probably, the happiest thing that happened to me on my birthday was the fact that she's more stable now than in the past. I know after the few sms-es exchanges, we are going to revert back to the status of strangers. But what kind of strangers will actually remember each other's birthdays? Aug 5th, probably the date that this absence of contact will be broken again for that will be my turn to message her happy birthday and maybe pick up the pieces again and be friends again. These 3 months interlude has been beneficial in my recovery. It has been 2 months plus since I last blogged abt. her....the pain and the hurt are not felt much anymore and the memory of such feelings are getting more and more distant. While waiting for Yixian and Shuyi at CCK mrt stn today, I had these very weird feeling, this is so near her house, will I get to meet her by surprise? How will I react? Do I want to see her..? Probably, its a complicated feeling of just wanting to see her again to perhaps visualize that she's fine and surviving well and the reminder of the hurt and the long struggle to get back to normalcy makes it such an incoherent inner struggling..thank God that my friends appeared 15 mins later..to stop me from having those unneccessary thoughts that are really redundant.

24 and counting

24 sounds old. Age does not represent maturity. Yet, I have grown so much since 23 flashes past with a glimpse of an eye. The quest and defeat in my first class honours dream, internship with Nexus, mentorship with Reach, the temporal brush with christianty, her, her, her, her.......

May this last lap of the early 20s bring about more happiness and satisfaction. I never ever want to be vulnerable again, I had enough of vulnerability, of been hurt..probably, the scars haven't healed yet, probably, the channeling of energy towards making more friends and concentrating on tangible goals such as another testimonial, enjoying my last year in school and laughter and fun with friends are more important than the senseless and dangerous thing called love.

Thank you, Dr Kripa

DR SRIDHARAN, KRIPA is leaving her teaching position in NUS. :(

Sighz, I would not have known if not for her mass e-mail to us. I feel a tinge of sadness that she's leaving NUS even though I was pretty sure that she will not be teaching any honours year modules and thus, the chances of me learning from her lessons are pretty slim even if she have stayed...

She's one of my favorite PS Profs, ok, in case some of you are wondering I have three favorite Profs within the political science department( Dr Alan Chong, Dr Kenneth Paul Tan and Dr Kripa). My whole experience with political science begins with her and Dr Kenneth teaching me PS1101E, Introduction to Political Science. The module was a tad dry and technical as it tried to cover all the fields of political science yet I was blessed with a teacher like her in my first sem in NUS. Its a double blessing considering that Dr. Kenneth took half of the module with her. Her teaching style is not just effective but clear and pleasant with a sprinkling of jokes here and there, making the mood of her lectures always light and conducive.

My liking for her grew when I took foreign policy and diplomacy module under her care in my 2nd sem in NUS. My 2nd PS module and only PS module that sem and she opened up my world and interest into the intricacies and wonders of International Relations. Furthermore, I have her as my tutor in this sem which resulted in me having one of the most enjoyable PS tutorials ever in NUS. That semester was also a litmus test for me, whether to pursue History or Political Science as my major. She was one of the factors that pushed me into the world of Political Science and developing an insatiable desire to learn about international relations.

I was really disappointed with MM replacing her in teaching International Conflict Analysis as I'm sure that I will learn so much more with Dr. Kripa teaching the module. My desire to take South Asia module was because of the IR segment and her teaching the module and she did not disappoint. Her tutorials were still very enjoyable though the presentations was a real drag, I prefer her presentations-free tutorials that I have in FPD.

Actually, she killed me in my South Asia exam this sem, excluding the entire IR segment, 3 full lectures on it and my favorite country Sri Lanka(the only country to be excluded in the essay component) made much of my efforts go down the drains. Probably, I won't do well for this exam. Me and my friends were quite surprised that she actually played a stunt like this for the exam. haha, 'so not like Kripa' was the general sentiment felt. Despite the possibility of faring below expectations for the exam, my liking for her did not dissipate.

I sent her an e-mail before writing this blog entry, a short e-mail to thank her for the wonderful learning experience. This is actually the first time I did something like that since pri sch(i think). I'm actually surprised at the feeling of disappointment that instantaneously struck me when I saw the e-mail that she's leaving. Perhaps, the disappointment of not having her as a potential Honours Thesis Supervisor(only Dr Alan Chong left on the list, sighz) contributed to the feeling of the disappointment felt.

Dr Kripa, you have left an indelible imprint on my university education. :)

A beautiful bride indeed.

Isn't she beautiful? She looks like an angel! :)

Ok, this sounds himbotic and yah, obession hor like Fatma's obsession with il divo, kaka, inzaghi, etc etc etc...lol(excuse me for dragging you in, haha). But hey, this is my way of destressing- its 7am and I just finished mugging for the day with lots of material to be covered when I wake up...

My Happy Ending

She rocks, doesn't she? :)

An insightful take on the repercussions of the Virginia Tech Shootings

What May Come: Asian Americans and the Virginia Tech Shootings

Tamara K. Nopper
April 17, 2007

Like many, I was glued to the television news yesterday, keeping updated about the horrific shootings at Virginia Tech University. I was trying to deal with my own disgust and sadness, especially since my professional life as a graduate student and college instructor is tied to universities. And then the other shoe dropped. I found out from a friend that the news channel she was watching had reported the shooter as Asian. It has now been reported, after much confusion, that the shooter is Cho Seung-Hui, a South Korean immigrant and Virginia Tech student.

As an Asian American woman, I am keenly aware that Asians are about to become a popular media topic if not the victims of physical backlash. Rarely have we gotten as much attention in the past fifteen years, except, perhaps, during the 1992 Los Angeles Riots. Since then Asians are seldom seen in the media except when one of us wins a golfing match, Woody Allen has sex, or Angelina Jolie adopts a kid.

I am not looking forward to the onslaught of media attention. If history truly does have clues about what will come, there may be several different ways we as Asian Americans will be talked about.

One, we will watch white media pundits and perhaps even sociologists explain what they understand as an “Asian” way of being. They will talk about how Asian males presumably have fragile “egos” and therefore are culturally prone to engage in kamikaze style violence. These statements will be embedded with racist tropes about Japanese military fighters during WWII or the Viet Cong—the crazy, calculating, and hidden Asian man who will fight to the death over presumably nothing.

In the process, the white media might actually ask Asian Americans our perspectives for a change. We will probably be expected to apologize in some way for the behavior of another Asian—something whites never have to collectively do when one of theirs engages in (mass) violence, which is often. And then some of us might succumb to the Orientalist logic of the media by eagerly promoting Asian Americans as real Americans and therefore unlike Asians overseas who presumably engage in culturally reprehensible behavior. In other words, if we get to talk at all, Asian Americans will be expected to interpret, explain, and distance themselves from other Asians just to get airtime.

Or perhaps the media will take the color-blind approach instead of a strictly eugenic one. The media might try to whitewash the situation and treat Cho as just another alienated middle-class suburban kid. In some ways this is already happening—hence the constant referrals to the proximity of the shootings to the 8th anniversary of the Columbine killings. The media will repeat over and over words from a letter that Cho left behind speaking of “rich kids,” and “deceitful charlatans.” They will ask what’s going on in middle-class communities that encourage this type of violence. In the process they may never talk about the dirty little secret about middle-class assimilation: for non-whites, it does not always prevent racial alienation, rage, or depression. This may be surprising given that we are bombarded with constant images suggesting that racial harmony will exist once we are all middle-class. But for many of us who have achieved middle-class life, even if we may not openly admit it, alienation does not stop if you are not white.

But the white media, being as tricky as it is, may probably talk about Cho in ways that reflect a combination of both traditional eugenic and colorblind approaches. They will emphasize Cho’s ethnicity and economic background by wondering what would set off a hard-working, quiet, South Korean immigrant from a middle-class dry-cleaner- owning family. They will wonder why Cho would commit such acts of violence, which we expect from Middle Easterners and Muslims and those crazy Asians from overseas, but not from hard-working South Korean immigrants. They will promote Cho as “the model minority” who suddenly, for no reason, went crazy. Whereas eugenic approaches depicting Asians as crazy kamikazes or Viet Cong mercenaries emphasize Asian violence, the eugenic aspect of the model minority myth suggests that there is something about Asian Americans that makes them less prone to expressions of anger, rage, violence, or criminality. Indeed, we are not even seen as having legitimate reasons to have anger, let alone rage, hence the need to figure out what made this “quiet” student “snap.”

Given that the model minority myth is a white racist invention that elevates Asians over minority groups, Cho will be dissected as an anomaly among South Koreans who “are not prone” to violence—unlike Blacks who are racistly viewed as inherently violent or South Asians, Middle Easterners and Muslims who are viewed as potential terrorists. He will be talked about as acting “out of character” from the other “good South Koreans” who come here and quietly and dutifully work towards the American dream. Operating behind the scenes of course is a diplomatic relationship between the US and South Korea forged through bombs and military zones during the Korean War and expressed through the new free trade agreement negotiations between the countries. Indeed, even as South Korean diplomats express concern about racial backlash against Asians, they are quick to disown Cho in order to maintain the image of the respectable South Korean.

Whatever happens, Cho will become whoever the white media wants him to be and for whatever political platform it and legislators want to push. In the process, Asian Americans will, like other non-whites, be picked apart, dissected, and theorized by whites. As such, this is no different than any other day for Asian Americans. Only this time an Asian face will be on every television screen, internet search engine, and newspaper.

Tamara K. Nopper is an educator, writer, and activist living in Philadelphia. She is currently finishing her PhD program in sociology at Temple University and is a volunteer with the Central Committee for Conscientious Objectors, an anti-war and counter-military recruitment organization (www.objector.org). She can be reached at tnopper@yahoo.com.

Insightful, thought-provoking and probably a realist take on reality. Let's hope sensitivity and rationality prevails over this sad unfortunate shooting incident.

Suddenly, Mcluhan's medium theory is not that unconvincing...the medium can be the message.

A magical European night(110407)

Bring on AC Milan!

A must-read article from our dearest Prof.

POST THIS ARTICLE ON YOUR BLOG TO INCREASE READERSHIP( a call to increase people's awareness of a constructive alternative voice- inspired by a suggestion from Fatma. :p)

Ministers' salary increase: Can it be delayed until there is more public consultation?

THE views expressed so far on this difficult issue rightly deserve attention, even as Singaporeans await the Government's presentation of its case in Parliament next week.
Given the unhappiness, it is hoped that the Government will do more to soothe this feeling during the Parliament sitting, and address this issue beyond the offer of relevant statistics and other pragmatic arguments.

This issue is not new. So too the attendant shock that many Singaporeans react to when this pay scheme was publicly goaded in the early 1990s and hotly debated in Parliament in 1995.
Let us recap the two sides of the argument. To the Government, we are fooling ourselves if we want to lure top talents but refuse to pay them top salaries, and that moral counter-points must give way to pragmatic ones.

The cost of living, the competitiveness of the market place in a global economy, the high standards of integrity and performance expected of ministers and the equally high cost to their private lives are imperatives that must be taken into account.

MM Lee even once argued that 'moral values on pay are good only for textbooks on socialism and political tracts on social justice'.

However, to many Singaporeans, other factors must be given consideration. To begin with, is it right to compare jobs in the public and private sectors since there are obvious fundamental differences between the two?

Secondly, while many have no problem with raising ministerial salaries as a matter of principle, the quantum of the raise seems to be unduly high, making our Cabinet ministers among the most highly paid in the world.

Thirdly, while we must credit the political leadership for securing Singapore a sterling economic position in the world - our Republic's GDP growth rate and foreign reserves are among the highest in the world - such a remarkable achievement could not have been attained without the contributions and sacrifices of an equally productive workforce.

Finally, this increase of ministerial salaries may convey the wrong signal that money is actually the bottomline, even in such a nationally important issue of political contribution and service.
What about other redeeming intangibles such as honour and sense of duty, dedication, passion and commitment, loyalty and service?

It may be difficult for many to believe that the talent pool is so small and that the able are so money-minded that the best way to get them to come forward is to give them more money.
Hopefully, the Government will do more to appease this unhappiness. What about delaying this proposed increase until more public consultation is done and a better way of compensating the ministers and senior civil servants be found?

Otherwise, many Singaporeans will feel the sheer helplessness that however unhappy they are about matters that are close to their hearts they will have little chance to be redressed, both outside Parliament and inside - and this is not good for Singapore's future.

Dr Hussin Mutalib

Source- Straits Times Forum April 6 2007 Online Story

I just had to share this letter written to Straits Times Forum by our dearest PS Prof, Dr Hussin Mutalib for his upfront and sincere views about the recent Ministers'/ Senior Civil Servants' pay increase saga and I bet his letter is very easy to miss. Have anyone wondered why it is not published on the printed version of ST? I guess the answer is too obvious and politically insensitive to spell out but we all know don't we.(if don't know private-message me, shhhh, don't too loud, k, sensitive, 'fear factor' you see) Oh well, constructive voices like Dr Mutalib should be heard and discussed more broadly even if it borders on opposition because regardless of your stand on it, the need for sensible, rational alternative voices should not just be heard but celebrated.

Oh, my stand on this whole issue?! I can't say...its politically sensitive, OB markers!!! omg..SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....