an eventful week

Many things happened this week. Good things, bad things.......

Bad things

I forgot an angel's birthday. How did this happen? It should never be allowed to happen. Taking her for granted is such a cardinal sin that I should not commit.

Meiling sms-ed me, 'have you forgotten about me! :(' haiz, guilty again. The first excuse is the mad rush for that dreaded honours thesis. But upon reflection, I have only met her once for lunch since she graduated last semester. I do miss the days when I spent 99percent of time in school with my ps clique- Meiling, Zheyuan, Heyi and Hong. Yet, I'm not making enough effort to keep this friendship going. Wake up, Yanwei!

I need a shoebag. That prevented me from going to gym after my test at mica this monday. What a lousy excuse. Haiz, Only jogged one time this week. Need to kickstart the exercise regime again(never intensive but, enough to feel healthy and keep my weight in check).

I missed Fatma and Nab's presentation this thursday. A presentation that I was really looking forward to. For, gender issue is quite touchy for a 'mcp' like me. A gender minor like Fatma and cute Nab's presentation(have never seen Nab present b4! argh) must have been a real experience. lol. Yet,the sleep after the man u match was too sweet to wake up from.

I flunked my makeup brief HISTORY of science test today. A breadth module. But its HISTORY. It should be my forte. Pure memorization yet, my mind went blank and the questions was obscure enough to send a blank mind to hell. Flunking this test means a B+ is all that I can aim for. This means that a maximum last minute effort is likely to result in a B grade. ARGH. CRAP. This is HISTORY. SIGHZ. ITS MY FORTE. I don't care if its about science. It can be about art/music for all I care. I swear I will put in that last ounce of effort to make up for this disaster.

Good things

I watched Romance of Three Kingdoms, the movie installment on Zhao Zhilong. Yes, its nowhere near the accuracy of the novel/history but it still brought a lot of satisfaction watching my favorite general on the big screen.

I beat Zheyuan 5-4 in pool games AGAIN. haha, winning when defeat stares you in the eye always gives you the feel-good feeling.

Manchester United beat Roma 1-0 on the night! More importantly, Gary Neville is back. And the ovation he received brought a tear to my eye. Its great to see him back after such a long absence. Welcome back, my dear captain!

I finally met Zhixiang at the honours room just now. After promising to find him there for the whole sem. Had a good dinner with him and Weizan. Then also, spend a bit of time mingling with other PS peers, such as Alene and Shawn at the honours room. With graduation on the horizon, its a nice feeling to just chat and mingle with some of my peers.

Things are rosy on the job front. No, I am resigned to my failure to get into MFA, but its likely that I will get my next best option again. YAY.(ok, maybe I'm not that joyous, but it always feel good to know you have 'market value'.)

The possibility of ace-ing Theories of IR module is exceedingly high. I got an A- for the 25percent test, an A for the discussant session (10percent) and I am geniunely enjoying the class participation (40percent), speaking up and writing in the online forum not out of necessity but out of interest. I'm not even lost in that module anymore. I'm confident of ace-ing this module. :)

Such a mixed week. Next week? Issues of SEA paper is the main agenda. I cannot afford to screw up a 40 percent paper.

peace

Selfishness is inherent in everyone.

That's something I learnt as I get older. Not that its wrong or it shouldn't be this way. For we are all flawed. At peace with my heart, at peace with how things are going on all fronts, at peace with my life, things are looking clearer and clearer each day.

I'm amazed. Amazed at how stupid I was. That sense of loss was so unwarranted. When you are blinded, you really feel like you can and will do anything for someone. Someone who doesn't really matter. Someone who's dispensible. Very much so.

To put yourself as the top priority is a painful lesson learnt. For, to be happy only when someone else is happy is just a torture. Especially, if that someone is not worth it even in the first place.

Somehow, somewhat, that idealistic streak in me has faded away. Feeling somewhat desensitized, I realized how easy it is to just shut people who doesn't matter much in life out. They say out of sight, out of mind. I say, out of mind then even when they are within your sight, you can't even see them, or notice their presence.

At peace.

defeat

Something historic just happened. Can you smell the scent of change emanating across our borders...surprise and even a sense of euphoria evaporated shortly after the suprise, leaving a lingering feeling of uncertainty, excitement and a tinge of apprehension....

The BN has won a simple majority of parliamentary seats. In other words, they lost the TWO-THIRD MAJORITY. A historic setback for the BN. They can no longer make constitutional changes at their own whims and likings. For the first time in Malaysia's history, the opposition is going to have a really substantial say in the decision-making on the national level in Malaysia. Institutional designs favouring the BN has failed to eliminate this threat to their power, n the people's voices(be it wise or not) has been translated into real power. Wow.....

Exciting times lies ahead...and as always, there is the element of danger in uncertain times. But, I shall reiterate what I stated in my paper for a module last semester regarding the BN and the opposition parties. The rising star in Malaysia is going to be Anwar Ibrahim(yes this seems obvious now, but definitely not in october last year) and dare I say it, Keadilan is the real threat that the BN has to quell in the forseeable future.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow

*When you see history been made, this feeling of 'wow-ness' overwhelms you.

ignorance

"The more we know, the more aware we are of what we know not. Indeed, the most important product of knowledge is ignorance."
-David Gross(2004 Physics Nobel Laureate)

princess

The two princess of my eldest cousin(maternal side). Cute hor? I must say, they really did make my cny that much more jovial. Childlike innocence, well, kids are indeed angels, even when they do something wrong or get naughty.

If I have daughters, I think I'm going to be a really bad father. I will never be able to take on the role of the disciplinarian. I mean, can you really bear to scold angels? Even if they get naughty and burn down the house? Darn...I am so going to spoil my kids next time....

Hannibal Barca

General Hannibal Barca,

You have been on my mind for the past few days. You will be surprised by how inspired I was when I had a visual reenactment of your greatness through a modern recreation of your acts. You did not just stand up to the Roman Empire. You surprised them. You almost brought about the end of the Roman Empire. You struck fear into the heart of the mighty Romans. The Romans even granted you the highest form of flattery by imitating your war tactics. In particular, that long, trecherous and unforgiving journey past the Alps to attack Rome itself was unexpected to say the least. Yet, you accomplished this amazing feat and almost brought the mighty Roman empire to their knees. History has attributed this famous quote to you,

"We will either find a way, or make one."- General Hannibal

You were so sure you were going to find your way or rather make your way. Your determination and your sense of belief must have been infectious and did wonders to your troops. I have to thank you. To thank you for your belief and your determination and pure brillance. Thanks for providing this timeless gem and timely reminder to me.

You failed in the end. Taking your own life to deprive the Romans of the satisfaction of killing you. I will never comprehend why you refused to storm Rome and land that final stab into the heart of the Roman Empire. You were so close. Why? You could have changed the course of history. You could have been more than a flawed genius. You could have been the man who brought the Roman Empire to an emphatic end. That strong empire which possesses overwhelming strength in your time. Why did you have to insist on having the Romans surrender to you? Was it arrogance? That you believe you had done enough and wanted the mighty Romans to eat the ultimate humble pie and surrender to you, the so-called babarian? Or was it compassion? That you believe you will be able to save the lives of your remaining troops and see no need to burn Rome and kill all those in Rome itself?

Yet, even in your failures, there are lessons to be learnt. You are a testament to the old saying that to be kind to your enemy is to be cruel to yourself. You showed that you are after all human. And perhaps the most inspiring thing about you lies in the fact that you are a flawed genius. Your legacy will not be forgotten. And, you will always earn the admiration and adoration from future generations.

With love,
Yanwei

(im)perfection

When something really matters, your expectations get heightened ten-fold and the pressures become insurmountable. Or so it seems, I seemed to be stuck in the mindset that dreams are so sweet because they can't come true. I seem to be quietly confident of my assets and my strengths yet painfully aware of my limitations. My limitations seems to ensure that I will not get the coveted goals that I so desperately want and dream of. Yet, without bragging, I always manages to get the next best choice avaliable. To another person, what I possesses now, what I have experienced, what I have gotten in life so far may already provide them with much satisfaction and perhaps even joy. Yet, to me, this just seems to be inadequate. No, I am not aiming for the sky, I am painfully reminded by my own perfectionist tendencies that I am not reaching my potential. To not reach my own potential is indeed a very sucky feeling.

Potential, what a scary thing. It creates unrealistic expectations and daunting challenges. Yet, it may lull some into complacency. Some even used 'potential' as a means to pacify themselves for their inept results so far. If potential becomes an excuse for one not meeting their goals, then I must say quit telling me about your potential and start showing me your results. Or at least, your best efforts, as long as you try your best, you can't go too wrong in life. Whether you are contented with the end result is an another matter altogether.

Today, I was struck down by a flu, a headache and a very serious insomnia that made me decide to back down from taking a step nearer to that coveted dream of mine. The possibility of failing and flopping today was just too high. And, I know, if I backed down this time round, after I recover from my sickness,try to have a good night's sleep and pep myself up mentally for this challenge, I will be able to meet my potential. Or at least, be in the optimum position to grab this challenge, give it my best shot and have no regrets. But, how many second chances appears in life? Especially when its with regards with something that you really want? Sometimes opportunities only arrive once in your lifetime and timing is the most essential thing. So I can only hope that this time round, I will get this second chance. If not, I'm not really freting over it as well, for ironically, I have expanded my options widely enough and feel assuredly confident that I will carve out my niche in another area(which arguably, I am actually more suitable for) than this dream that I have always coveted.

* Life is a journey with lots of twists and turns. Its ok to fail, just make sure you stand up again. :)

social scientist

As a social scientist, I should have been more sensitive to the possible repercussions of differing perceptions.

As a social scientist, I took it for granted that people understood the medium theory and the straightforward effects of framing.

As a social scientist, I should have analyzed the results of my actions and words.

As a social scientist, I feel silly to not have made calculated moves and 'rational' decisions.

But a social scientist is nothing more than just one side of me. To be judged is perhaps unavoidable. Yet to judge on rather circumstantial evidences is perhaps really just laughable. And yah, I had a good laugh after the slight irritation at the begining.

You think you know me, but you don't.

ubin cycling trip

Spending Roy's birthday(and New Year's eve) in ubin was both a retreat back to nature and a walk down the memory lane. Goofing around and photo-whoring, I must say it brought back lots of memories from our jc days.....



When I was small and christmas trees were tall....or so the song goes...haha, when we are sweet sweet 18...



Still 18, abeit, our aggressive tendencies were brought to the forefront...haha..and so goofing around seems to be a thing of the past? Not really...



Nature has its way of bringing out the childlike innocence of men....



Or maybe nature reduced men to boys again.....

Posing or acting cool on the other hand seems to be natural.....



Or maybe we are really cool.......



We are still cool rite abeit with the help of some lighting...........



No...? Maybe this 'boyband like' pose will convince you otherwise...



Haha, ok maybe we are delusional...but hey, its fun to think these thoughts sometimes.

overjoyed.

Finally and I mean finally, there seems to be a glimpse of hope towards fulfilling my dream.

I have been shortlisted for the first round of the recruitment process for the Foreign Service Officer(Political and Economic) with MFA!!!!! YAY!!!!!

Yah, I know, first round only, written tests only, may still be rejected at this stage of the recruitment process or at further rounds of interviews, but nonetheless, I am really happy!! Haven't been so happy for such a long while!!!wahahahahahahahaha :)

OMG, I'm like so excited now lah, that kind of feeling far exceeds another interview with another ministry one day after the written tests at MFA!!

I will definitely try my best!!! I can do it!!! Even if I am not recruited this time round, this will not prevent me from trying again next time!!

* I'm overjoyed, excited and ecstatic now. But don't worry, I will moderate my hopes of getting this job as I know how stringent the recruitment process is. :)

way back into love

I'm a real sucker for love movies. Music and Lyrics made this song special. And special it is, for I have listened to it more than twenty times today. :)

6am on Christmas day, still awake but happy that this Christmas eve, my heart is at peace. Looking back on last Christmas, perhaps, this reason alone made this a merry merry Christmas. :)

2046

I just finished watching the movie,2046. Words can't really describe how brillant and poignant I think this movie is.

2046 is really 2047.

If love can be defined, 2046 just provided the closest definition.

That imperfect perfection, that surreal reality, that blurring of line between illusion and reality, that immense hurt....

Giving is perhaps not really an option when you experience true love. For when your happiness is based upon hers, the hurt experienced by you is nothing compared to the joys you brought her.

Love has always been something undefinable, something that is surreal, something that is fluffy, something that defies rationality. But, if one looks beyond the complexities and the various pretensions that cloud love itself, it is very simple.

Is love like the rainbow that follows every thunderstorm? Where the various colours form a really beautiful picture that brings unexplainable joys? Or does love take the optical illusion of a rainbow that is always there but seldom appears before the naked eye?

Love may just become that prison where one cannot break through even if he/she holds the key. Yet, maybe only in that prison can one find happiness or perhaps death.

Seeking answers in love is a fallacy. For there are no answers, for love itself is a maze that one gets lost in. To be lost and to not know you are lost may just be the most beautiful thing in life.

game?

I did something rather silly but perhaps sweet just now.....the rational me will see that as a mistake but as always, when it comes to the matters of the heart, I tend to just go with what I feel and perhaps, its the person too, I love the feeling that I can just be so direct and frank and says what's on my mind, how I feel and what's bothering me, perhaps, I finally found a soulmate whom I'm really so comfortable with. With her, my vocab does not dry up, no awkard silences, minimal pressures and that ability of hers to cheer me up is just quite special.......

Game? I know, a lot of my friends have advised me in the past that there are some rules that you have to follow, somethings that you have to do, some stuff that you can't say, some stuff that you must say, some some some...etc..etc..etc..but I have never been able to grasp why they see this as a game. To me, this has never been a game and hopefully will never become a game. I do not like the whole concept of treating this as a game. Even if this means that I get hurt more often than not, even if this means that if this is a game, my success rate will never be high.

At the end of the day, I can get hurt. I can be silly. I can have my heart broken. I can even slowly lose faith in this whole concept. But, at least, I followed my heart and this is the most important thing to me.

* Maybe, just maybe, she will replace that special person in my heart and I will be able to finally seek closure with the past.

inner thoughts

Alcohol always make me feel a bit vulnerable. Some says drinking, especially excessively is to seek an escape, an escape from the harsh reality of life. Yet, drinking, especially moderately, can lead to you facing your deepest inner thoughts, squarely and truly. Slightly intoxicated(really, as can be seen by the fluency in this blog entry), my mind went into overdrive, for the first time in months.........

I have been going to CCK on a rather frequent basis since I got to know Yihui. Likewise, today, I went over to find her to study, though as expected, we ended up chatting much more than doing anything productively academically. Today is a rather happy day though, for I finally get to taste Yihui's famed horrible cooking, had a rather pleasant surprise that the dishes she cooked today(admittedly not requiring that much expertise)were not only edible but tasty. haha, we also had beer at the end of the very non-productive study session at starbucks eariler.......but this is really not the focus of my blog entry...........

Everytime I go to CCK, there's always this part of me who just hoped to catch a glimpse of her, from far or in near proximity, just a glimpse. I have not seen her for a year plus le and I just cannot bring myself to meet her when I had the opportunity to, resulting in the refusal to attend two of my good friends' birthdays because I know she will be there. Escapism ain't exactly the best way to do something and I really really wish that I can just go for that two good friends' birthdays and special events from now on without including the 'her' factor....Often in my head, I will try to imagine what it would be like seeing her after such a long absence, will it be like, cordial, amicable, small talk of no consequences, but diplomatic niceties? will it be like, avoidance and limiting much contact with her? Or will i fall back into that vicious cycle? I really have no idea...no idea at all....

We haven't been in contact at all since 4 months plus ago, since I sms-ed her to wish her happy birthday. I guess, after pissing her off with the well-drilled messages that my rational self managed to conjure up that my life is better off without you, make her so firm on her decision to never contact me again. For, I may just become that stranger which I wanted to be...just so that I don't have to be stuck into a vicious cycle again, just so that I can move on, just so that I can give the 'out of sight, out of thought' theory a try....Yet, I can't help but wonder whether she's right when she said that, to be strangers is just a temporary game that we two are playing.......yet maybe the game has long ended for her, while subconsciously, I'm still playing this stupid game...this game that long ought to have ceased and move on.....

I'm definitely moving on though, seemingly with a whole lot of false dawns along the way...but yet, always a step forward...or at least 3 steps forward, 1 step back, the least that I managed to do is to stop asking for her updates for close to 3 months le.....in a perverse way, she kept my sanity, or maybe to be more accurate, the idealized image of her kept me sane or insane...can't really tell the difference at times, for that fine line keeps blurring...with her at the back of my mind, I am able to reduce any possible tugging of the heartstrings by any other girl to a bare minimum that will be extingushed easily. This should be considered a merit isn't it? For to be troubled by matters of the heart is really just quite dumb..........(an irony considering this blog entry)

I wish I can say this will be the last time I blog about her, but judging by the fact that despite my strong desire to delete all her sms-es and pictures on the bus just now, I still can't do it.....does speaks volumes...

* Disclaimer- This blog entry is the direct result of intoxication. I am not down or sad, just feeling and thinking a bit more than usual, will be up n going to mug for that darn hy module tmr. urgh.

failing

C+ n D for two 20percent history term papers, a C grade average for a 50percent CA for that module. ouch. From a student who regularly tops his history classes since sec 3. What will my history teacher from sec 3 says to me when he hears about this? From the student who bugs him regarding a 75 mark prelim result to get a few more marks because I thought I deserve it, when there's only 3 people in the class getting that result? From my jc history teachers whom I wrote extra assignments for, just to ensure that there's zero chance of me faltering in the A-levels for history. From a nus student who is dissatisfied with his combined CAP score of 4.25 for 8 history modules, from a political science student who's considering a masters in history....

There should not be any excuse for such an abysmal CA grade. Failure arose not because of how the prof for this module is especially anal and not inspiring. The root cause of failure is the amount of neglect that I exhibit towards this level 3 module this sem. This represents the worst feeling of failure that I have ever experienced in nus. I have a knack for bouncing back in history modules, been there, done that because pride refuses to keep me down. Yet this time round, the challenge seems to be beyond me, needing an A grade for the final exam to get a B grade which represents the worst ever grade I have ever received in nus for history(am still sore over it), I guess realistically, a B+ is all that I can aim for in the final resulting in a B- grade....yet, the prof's anal marking and my own lack of effort in this solitary history module this sem make even that an uncertainty.

No confidence, no mood, no time, no conviction=no chance.

English heartbreak

England lost. England failed. England was not good enough to qualify for Euro 2008.

Steve, please resign. Steve, you suck. Steve, you just ain't good enough.

What is Euro 2008 without England?

Wasn't tonite supposed to be the Beckham miracle like in 2001?

Ain't England a quarter-final team at the very least?

HAIZ................................................................................

words of wisdom

While waiting for the mrt to go to school today, a quote on the mrt electronic signboard caught my eye,

'Unfortunately, many of life's failures are experienced by people who did not realise how close they were to success when they gave up.'
- Thomas Edison

These words of wisdom were like a ray of sunlight that crept out of the dark clouds in my academic endeavours so far. Defeatism was like an endemic disease that plagued me in my hell-ish period where I endured 5 deadlines in 2 weeks. In the midst of that crazy period, there were often times when I felt like giving up. Like when I can't really link Clausewitz,perhaps the greatest military thinker even till today to a 21st century Sino-US relation with Taiwan as a flashpoint. Like when I did my presentation slides till 6 plus am in the morning for a presentation at 9am, culminating in a 39 hour sleepless ordeal. Like when I got my C+ for a history essay two days before the submission of the next one.....

Defeatism is something new, something that has not appeared in my uni days. Guess, the focus is gone with the ending of that dream. Guess, when I need only a B grade average for my remaining modules (close two eyes also can get) to retain my ordinary 2nd upper contributed to this. Perhaps also, is that academic fatigue that comes hand in hand with the crazy deadlines of honours year.

Exams are 1 week plus away, yet, I still have one last deadline, due next tuesday, rested 3 days so far le with really little motivation since that hell period, think will be very preoccupied with the last deadline, but I will remember Edison's words of wisdom. Drive on, Yanwei! The battles may be needless, but you need to remember the satisfaction that you get from recovering from your setbacks. You need to prove to yourself that you can do it! You need to not disappoint yourself! You need to....

vulnerability

Vulnerability is sexy, this tends to be one of the factors that I look for...but recently, I realised that plain vulnerability has lost much of its appeal to me. Gone is the 17 yr old boy who believes that, 'man are always superior to woman.' I cannot see myself believing in this absurd idea. Perhaps, by the age of 24, my contact with the fairer sex has been so frequent that this flawed idea just suffered a natural death. Now, vulnerabilty is not sexy, but vulnerability of a strong woman is sexy. That emotional strength of a woman is such a big draw especially when she has some vulnerability pegged to it. I still do not want a strong, independent woman who can handle every and anything in this world. But, to need help and support in every and anything is not exactly a draw. I still believe that as a man, you need to be strong, have broad shoulders and deal with anything and everything that comes your way. For that's what men are for, isn't it? We cannot afford to be weak. Yet, there are times in life where even strong men have their off days and weaknesses.

I guess, I don't really mind a career woman anymore. I am not even fixated about the idea of wishing that my wife would be a housewife next time. The fact that a girl has a mind of her own is actually pretty attractive. Furthermore, in this day and age, women whom are more capable are everywhere. There's really no logic or rationale in expecting or wishing that your wife sacrifices her dreams for your sake or the family's sake. This is not the ancient times anymore, whereby women's identity is defined as an extension of her husband. That is a really sad thought.

Perhaps, my jc classmates were right back then, I was never a mcp. I was just a mcp-wannabe. Duhz, the issue that I have with both labels were the fact that they were just thrown upon me in the first few weeks of school. All because, I said that the Qing Dynasty and the Russian Tsarist regime fell largely because of women. Warped, warped reasoning. haha, now I understand why my GP teacher told me to never tackle any gender questions after marking one of my essays on it.

Women may be the fairer sex, but they are definitely not the weaker sex. :)

academic ramblings/future?

As the clock ticks ever closer to my hell weeks-3 presentations(only 1 that is on my 20 page essay), 3 20 page essays, 1 5 page primary document analysis, 1 history term essay, I seriously need to get my engine started again. Been going on 2nd or third gear and not full speed so far...I like studying..yet, the stuff I'm studying can be really depressing at times...

Noam Chomsky exposed the really sucky side of US foreign policy and affected my love for the United States of America. I am a product or should I say, a victim of US cultural hegemony. I look at the US and see in it, the wonderful(yet propagandistic) products of hollywood, the American Dream, the lovely values such as democracy and human rights as epitomized by the Wilson's Fourteen Points and FDR's Atlantic Charter. Yet,my replies and criticism to Noam's book in my book review was so weak, I couldn't defend America after he listed all the atrocities of US FP..haiz, still I hold on to my love for US because things can get so much worse...

Studying about the dictators of Europe can be so depressing, I keep reading about the millions of people dying under Stalin, Mussolini been exposed as all style not much substance and I'm going to come into contact again with my favorite dictator soon, Adolf Hitler. Though, of course, the emphasis would be again on how he cause the Holocaust and his follies that led to his downfall. Not that I don't know anything about the evils of these dictators, its the incessant emphasis on their wrongdoings that is leading to a kind of intellectual fulfilment yet emotional depression.

For my module under my favorite Prof Alan Chong, I am again lost in outer space. I know I love that feeling of getting lost, and that's because out of all my modules this sem or even in nus so far, only Prof Chong could get me lost. I wonder is it due to my respect or admiration for him that I can't seem to be able to speak with conviction. Always looking at the lectures with a belief that I know too little to comment, when I know that I know so much more than other students in the class who speaks up. Needing to speak up, yet not having the confidence to(only in this module), its such a puzzling paradox that I have to come to terms with. I really really appreciate Prof Chong's lectures though for I learn so much, and I mean really a lot under him. He is the person who make me know that even at honours level, the knowledge that I possess is still not enough. And not many other profs are as inspiring as he is. My last module under him and with such a remote possibility that I will have him as my HT supervisor, I am just going to soak into this last chance of education under him.

I'm doing a paper on North Korea for regional security. And my grand theory just collapsed recently with the summit meeting(as already mentioned). That illustrates to me the fact that my realist orientation need some relaxation and I cannot be blinded by it.

Studying about the political parties and elections in Asia so far also made me realised that democracy as an ideal is just impossible. Politics is about power and not exactly about the people. Yet, of course, comparative political scientists are always exploring ways to provide models that might benefit a country more than the present system. But, the main goal of politicians ain't about finding the perfect system, they are concerned, first and foremost with gaining power or staying in power. They say politics is dirty. They are right.

Disillusioned? No, perhaps, I'm just tired. Tired at the feeling of experience and knowledge taking the place of innocence and ideals. Though I'm not ruling out doing a masters just yet, I must say I'm edging ever closer to working life. I just feel that taking a break from academia will serve me better. I want to feel that I'm making a difference. I don't want ideas to stay as ideas. Arguments that sound good on paper may just be that, plain theory. I feel that strong need to make a difference in people's life, in policy formulation, even if that difference is not great. Again, not ruling out working in the private sector, my passion for the civil/public service is getting so much stronger. This must be due to my education and my experience via my internships and mentorship. I just can't see myself working for profit as a bottomline. I want to be able to work for the public good. I want to be able to make a difference in the lives of Singaporeans. To serve for this country I love, this appeals to me. A product of good national education? :p Perhaps, but this is my home.

Of course, I can't wait for the financial independence that I will get when I start working. I can see my car in the horizons, going for the many plays and musicals that I always want to go, visiting Old Trafford, going for overseas holidays and just enjoy life as a yuppie.

world peace

After ages during which the earth produced harmless trilobites and butterflies, evolution progressed to the point at which it has generated Neros, Genghis Khans and Hitlers. This, however, I believe is a passing nightmare; in time the earth will become again incapable of supporting life, and peace will return.

Bertrand Russell